10 Steps When You Feel Like A Loser

#1. Think of someone else who is more of a loser.

Just kidding!!!!
Don't do that. Stop doing that!

Ok, seriously...

#1. Scrounge around and find something cool about your life. Think of a win. You’ve got ‘em. List through a couple.

My kids have personality.
I have awesome friends.
I occasionally say useful things.
I love my husband.
I'm glad I don't think I'm perfect.

#2. Pray thankfulness for those things. Even if it's begrudgingly. Just do it. 

#3. Confess in prayer that you feel like a loser. For some reason that always helps me a little. 

#4. Acknowledge that in reality, God has a reason for you. A special way you can honor Him with the job He has given YOU. 

mom, dad, spouse, daughter, employee, friend, whatever...

Today there is a job for you to do. (It doesn't require a 5-year-plan.)

#5. Ponder that truth. God wants you AND you have purpose! 2 for 1! 

#6. [If instead of happy fuzzy feelings, that truth brings bitterness and anger, talk to God about that pronto. He yearns for us to honestly bear our souls to Him instead of pretending. He already knows when we are angry. But he would rather hear it from us.]

#7. Back to the job you've been given today. Pray God will give you the strength to do that job. That He will provide you with the words or energy or attitude or all of the above. It might be making dinner or getting out of bed or caring for a dying parent. 

Lord, Help me do this. 

#8. Praying God will strengthen you, and TRUSTING that He really will, are two different things. But don't worry about it. He's got this whether you "believe" He can or not. Pray for His power to work in you, through this situation, right in front of you, right now. He can do it.

#9. Keep praying. Pray for your heart to lean on Him. 

Pray thanks HE is ALL things FOR us. Holding us up. Getting us through the biggest challenges and the littlest tough moments. 

#10. Say Amen. 

Hold your head up high. Walk in the confidence of Christ. He's got this. 

[BONUS!] #11. Tell Satan to bug off. You are a child of God and he can't have you!

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Philippians 4:4-7

Pin this post so you can come back to it when you are having a crummy day!

What to you do when you're feeling like a loser? I confess prayer isn't always my first thing, but I'm working on it! 

Why "Inspirational" Memes Make My Brain Hurt

Can we be frank here for a few? I’m really concerned about something that can be crazy-dangerous. Our brains are being infiltrated over and over again daily by some poisonous words, and I’m afraid we are going to end up extremely misinformed. 

Ahhh the power of words. “Word people” love them, but even the rest of the world can be sucked in by the lure of a well-constructed sentence. Especially when the catchphrase has a trace of truth in it, and is something we can relate to - it’s easy to buy into the rest. And the #1 place to find these singing sirens? Facebook.

Surprise! 

No, not really, right? There are lots of posts we all scroll past everyday, without “liking” all of them. Political views, scary videos, fake photos. Tell me you have discernment while you’re scrolling. Promise me you don’t believe all the viral emails you get. Please don't buy into every cool visual with a statistic in it. 

I hope not. It is very easy for random, nameless FB identities (PeopleForPeople? Who the heck knows what they stand for?) to tweak truth and throw up some stats they got from generic-technical-sounding-database, so they can attempt to make a point - or get some traffic. Extreme brings in traffic, so there is little motivation to stick with reality, let alone common sense. (And then there’s all the misguided ideas FB suggests we about friendship, i.e. lack of boundaries. I’ll have to tackle that another day.)

Anyway, clearly I’m on my soap box, but my issue is much bigger than dumb political commentary or photoshopping pictures of celebrities.  In number there are probably even more “inspirational” memes that grace my newsfeed everyday, and I’m amazed at the number of them that are just outright wrong.  They disturb me.   

Take this one for example.

I suspect that people like this one because we are all fans of taking responsibility for your stuff.  Man-up and deal with your issues instead of whining about them! So people like the idea that once you decide to do that, God is ready to help you tackle your problems. 

But this is SOOOO WRONG.  “If ____ then ____” statements about what God does usually are messed up. Are you telling me that until I try to change my circumstances, God is just standing around waiting for me? That He is an idle God who watches from the sidelines? There are probably some good metaphors about God being a coach, but this is not one of them. 

The only one who can change you is God. HE is at work within you. HE is the power and the strength that leads you to do the right thing, to muster up the courage to accept the circumstances you are in. HE is the one DOING.

In Genesis, God tells Abraham -

“Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.”  

He doesn’t say, Once you figure out where you are supposed to go, THEN I will help you get there. He says GO, and I will lead you. Not to mention, God was the instigator of this conversation. It didn’t happen once Abraham decided to pay attention or asked God what he should do. This is our introduction to Abram in Genesis chapter 12.  He doesn’t even have the new big fancy name, yet!  

Here’s another one.

I already dedicated a blog post to this, because I was so struck by the message here.  Again, we are focusing on what WE are capable of, apart from God. But actually, the only good I can do is through Him.  It’s not about me and how great I am.  It’s about Him and how he uses me right alongside my faults and mistakes.  Don’t act like your behavior is ALWAYS so perfect.  It’s not. If you aren't convinced, read the blog post and let me know if you still disagree.

Here’s another.

Ok, so I can definitely see why this one gets a few “Amens.” Trying to align life with Scripture sounds like a good idea. But when I really try to apply this, I have no idea what she’s trying to say.  There is no gospel here. And not really any law either. 

What are your expectations? 
Are we talking about how people treat other people?
My to-do list?  
An expectation that I’m supposed to be happy?  Nowhere does it say that life is going to be easier as a believer, or that Jesus expects us to perform perfectly.  I can’t help but think of John 16:33:

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Look, I understand that it is always easy to twist and conform a statement, a verse, a mantra to whatever our baggage-laden brains want to hear.  Even the Bible has lots of misguided readers, no question.  But please arm yourself with discernment when scrolling through your newsfeed!

Discernment: the faculty of discerning; discrimination; acuteness of judgment and understanding. 

keen perception or judgment 

When I hit the Like button, that means more people are going to see it.  

That means more people are going to be thinking about this concept and possibly believing it and maybe setting themselves up for disappointment and confusion because they aren’t stopping to think about what’s true and worthy vs. what’s really just a reflection of us complaining about society.  

Arming yourself with discernment is worth the extra time. It protects you and it protects your friends. We need a Fact Checker for FB Feed! If you want this job, I'll give you lots of traffic. You'll be the most controversial thing out there!!

What's the craziest thing you've seen someone Like on FB?  

Do you have any tips for not ending up brainwashed? 

Am I the misguided one here?

Share in the comments!

Finding God Right Next to Me

As my summer kicks off, I realize I am not the same person I was a year ago. Sure the basic stuff has stayed the same - I love dark chocolate and writing (put them together and I’m in heaven); my house is almost always on the verge of total disaster-zone; and my fashion sense is non-existent.  My life probably looks the same too.  Raising amazing kids, married to my hard-working sensitive husband, and working part-time on my dad’s farm.

But the way I see things is very different, and it has everything to do with this phrase:

When we are at the edge of ourselves, God shows up.

photo credit: Aaron D. Feen via photopin cc

Last week I was privileged to attend my first writing conference, the Write To Publish Conference in Wheaton, IL.  Christian writers, editors, and publishers from all walks of life gathered together to share, encourage, and enlighten.  Evenings were graced with joyful messages from Pam and Bill Farrel - authors and speakers who have over 3 decades of marriage and over 2 decades of ministry and publishing experiences to inform their ministry.  (Check out their books on relationship!)  They are a hoot to listen to and definitely gave me a few things to think about.  

When Pam said “When we are at the edge of ourselves, God shows up,” my heart and soul burst with agreement.  The last few years have really driven this home for me.  I’ve faced some painful moments, and the less of myself I could count on… the more of Christ I was forced to lean on.  

When we are at the edge of ourselves, God shows up. 

Actually He’s always been there.  He’s so consistent and perfectly faithful to His children.  His love never fails.  There is no doubt He is right alongside us.  

But when we are at the edge of ourselves, looking out over the brink (our own strengths and confidence like gravel under our feet), our eyes darting desperately seeking the help of something greater than ourselves….  We find Him. 

When we are at the edge of ourselves, God shows up.  We couldn’t see him before, because we were in the way.  

Like a blurred photograph, out of focus because of our rush.

Like a dirty, streaked window covered with fingerprints and lipstick kisses, puddle splashes from recklessly speeding away.

Lost in a crowd of ourselves, our multiple personalities and vocational positions filling up the room, the sound of our ego deafening. 

One by one our important endeavors, fancy skills, and self-declared strengths can’t finish the job.  Misfortune is too shocking.  Mistakes too frustrating.  Messes too overwhelming.  

We are at the edge of ourselves.  Nothing left to solve our problems or get us out of these too-often self-imposed disasters.  

Then we are forced to look up.  We are forced to look outside of ourselves and see the One who has faithfully been waiting for the prayer, “God, help me.”   

Whatever it is inside us that the Holy Spirit can work with, He moves the heart to turn.  He brings into focus the mighty God who loves us and whose strong arms will hold us when we feel like we’re falling.  

And God shows up. 

A year ago I was not so willing to look outside of myself.  I didn’t know what it was to desperately seek the eyes of God.  I’d yet to experience truly frantic need.  

Since then I’ve seen God up-close and I’m much happier leaning on His strength than mine.  I’ve experienced the Peace that He offers, that makes no sense other than the rationale of His promises.  Furthermore, I know I will fail to be consistent and strong.  But I know He will always show up when I turn to Him and admit there’s too much of me and not enough of Him.  

When we are at the edge of ourselves, God shows up. Thanks, Pam, for that reminder.  

Have you experienced this desperate edge? Have you experienced the peace that makes no sense? Leave a comment, and encourage someone else with your story.

When Our Feelings Are Hard to Live With: Angie's Story

Today is Hearts at Home's monthly blog hop. If you'd like to know about Hearts at Home (it's a great organization with a life-changing yearly conference), go here.

Take part in today's blog hop by checking out the other blogs involved! Today's theme is Love Your Feelings. This is a reflection of the 2014 conference theme Love Your Life. Moms, you have one more day to sign up to get the discounted registration price. If you've never been before, I highly recommend it. You can read more about why I love Hearts if you click here.

Love your feelings?

Ugh.  So often I don’t.  

But I feel like due to today’s Hearts at Home Blog theme, I have to tell you about a time when I listened to my feelings.  I respected my feelings.  And eventually I came to love the whole mess of it. 

I was pregnant with our second.  Less than 6 months along, when I started feeling a certain way. 

Panic.  Desperate.  Anxious.  Laying awake wondering.  

How was I going to do this?  

How was I going to maintain my full-time job and also have 2 little ones at home?  

How was I going to keep it all going?  I was barely doing it with just one. 

I knew it was possible.  Lots of women were doing it.  My friends.  My co-workers.  Women I respected.  How did it work for them?  It was not working for me. 

But there was no way I could quit my job.  I had to keep working.  There was no way we could afford the house with only one paycheck.  Brad had only been self-employed now for a couple years and we were still a little nervous about steady work (even though he had stayed busy so far).  What was I thinking?  This was just crazy. 

But one day when we were driving somewhere - it’s always easier to have these difficult conversations in the car, right? - I just broke down.  I fell apart.  Sobbing I said to him, “I can’t do this.  I can’t go back to work after this baby is born.”

I’ll never forget that moment.  It was so clear to me that something had to change.  I didn’t know how it would possibly work.  I had no idea how we could make this happen.  But I had to be honest about the way I felt.  

My husband was sympathetic, but probably mostly because I was super-hormonal-pregnant-lady.  He really thought I was nuts.  He had no idea how this could possibly be a realistic conversation.  But clearly we were having it anyway. 

I started looking into taking a leave of absence at work.  I started searching for options.  We bounced ideas off each other.  

Then one day he called on his way home and was telling me about Grandma and Grandpa moving to the nursing home.  And what would become of their house?   Their kids didn’t really want to sell it right now.  Would it just sit empty?

Without thinking, I joked we should move into it.  He was working nearby there so often.  We could just move home.  

There was a pause on the other end of the phone.  And then he said thoughtfully, “Yeah…..?  Hmmm, that could work.”

I was floored.  He had always been so committed to the house we were in.  It was our dream home.  A big four-square fixer-upper in the country.  What we’d always wanted.  We loved it.  But now he was opening up to the idea of moving… so I could stay home with our kids?  It was the craziest thing I’d ever heard.  And it felt like a miracle. 

As plans started to unfold, the picture got clearer.  My feelings were being heard.  I had the clarity I had been praying for.  

Clare Elizabeth was born in May.  While I was delivering, the couple interested in our house called again.  They wanted to come back for a second visit.  

We sold for a profit in July of 2007.  3 months before the housing market crashed.  Before the economy fell apart.  Before things got scary.  We used the money to pay off our debts.  And we moved into a tiny house way too close to family.  (That’s another story.)  

Now, there are some more great elements to the story that follows.  But I don’t want to mislead you.  It wasn’t ideal really.  The house was super little.  The transition was brutal.  The rest of the story is actually crazy and it has been a roller-coaster ride.  Much of it has been recorded on the pages of this blog.  But those feelings that I listened to - they ended up giving me a clarity I had never had.  They were there for a reason.  God was constructing a path for me to do something I had never thought was possible.  It was opening up in front of me, and responding to it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  Rarely does a day pass when I don’t think of the emotions that led me to become a more available mom to my kiddos.  

That day - those months - I did NOT love my feelings.  I loathed them.  They haunted me.  I fought with them.  They persisted.  I stared blankly at the ceiling wondering if there was any escaping the feelings that gripped my heart… or the tough decisions that would have to be made. 

But now when I look back?  I love those feelings.  I love that they stalked me day and night and wouldn’t be ignored.  I love that God placed them on my heart and gave me sound wisdom from wise women I cried to.  I am thankful for the feelings that changed my life.  For the whirlwind of emotions that birthed clarity when the clouds parted and the wind died down.  These days, I love the whole mess of it.  

Why does loving our feelings always seem to be messy business that isn’t that fun and requires admitting hard things or change?!  If you know the answer, please share!

Free Printable for One-on-One Jesus Time!

Trying something new!

A daily devotional printable  - explained in today's post, More Than One Way to Do Jesus Time.

I hope it can inspire you!!

Here is what it looks like.

Not sure why the letter "i" isn't showing up in this picture.  It's fine in the pdf!  Promise! ;)

Just click on THIS LINK and print!

I'd love to hear if you use this, what you think - or changes you make to personalize it for YOU!  Come back and tell me!

More Than One Way to Do Jesus-Time

I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions.  It’s just one more way for me to set myself up to feel like a failure.  (I have a following-through problem.)  But it happened to be around the first of the year, that I was looking for a daily devotional that was basically Bible readings.  I found one that I like and I’ve been reading it and feeling good about how it’s going. So far I'm following through.  

Yesterday Mom said, “Don’t feel guilty about that.  You have enough things to feel guilty about.”
She wasn’t talking about New Year’s Resolutions, but she might as well have been.  Such good advice.  Push aside the guilt and just do what you need to do.  

Let’s take that attitude and approach a topic that inspires lots of guilt -
quiet time with your Maker.
Ugh. The phrase quiet time makes me want to curl into a little ball and give up as soon as I hear it.  I hope you have carved out “quiet time” for yourself, but in my world it has always been a challenge.  

First of all, rarely is anything around here quiet.  
Second, it brings up visions of a quiet woman who gets up at 5:30 in the morning, in her perfectly clean house, with her perfectly clean heart, and sits down with the Lord.  
I like that last part, but the rest of it is something that I just CANNOT relate to.  I am NOT a morning person.  My house is rarely perfect.  And my quiet time is rarely quiet.  

Over and over again, I have struggled with what my daily time with God is supposed to look like, and most of the time I feel like I’m botching it. 

However, over the past 5 years I’ve learned that there really is more than one way to do things.  Not only have I learned this, I’ve embraced it and I celebrate it.  This is a great truth for me because... 

1) ...changing things up is fun for me.   Growing up I was rearranging my room every 6 months.  Today the wallpaper on my phone is rarely the same for more than 30 days.  I like to do something different in my house when the seasons change.  I like a good routine, and I have my comfort foods, but a fresh view makes me happy. 

2) ...new ideas pull me in.  A new book comes out about marriage - I want to read it.  I’m always perusing the web for new blogs and authors.  The latest technology, a new approach to organizing, a social media trend - I’m curious.  I might not embrace it, but I’m checking it out.

3) …I’m an extrovert.  If you’ve had a conversation with an extrovert recently, you may have noticed that the conversation wants to jump around a lot.  This is how we are and I’m not going to apologize for it.  Well, maybe sometimes, because it really is frustrating for my husband (just to name one person).  But we like to jump from one thing to another.  Turns out that's the way my brain is wired.  It’s ok. 

So every 6 months when I want to a new approach to daily devotional time, I’m not surprised anymore.  I’m fine with it.  That book I got? - not going anywhere!  Will still be here when I need something new in 6 months.  The gratitude journal I started? - still very useful next year when I’m not as crabby as I am today.  Yes, I know, this is related to that thing I said at the beginning about how I’m not good at following through.  But seriously, pick your battles.  If this month I have a fresh approach to spending time with Jesus, it’s ok.  He’s fine with it.  It’s way better than giving up completely. 

So here’s what I’m doing these days.  And I like it.  

I’m reading the NIV Once A Day Bible.  It’s set up to read some Old Testament, some New Testament, and a selection from Psalms or Proverbs each day. 
[Confession: Sometimes it takes 2 days to get thru one day’s worth.  Guess what? That’s ok.] 

After I read (and sometimes it’s hours later depending on how interrupted I’ve been by all the people I love in my life), I do prayer.  Grant-it, I’m praying informally to God much more than this thru the day.  But the thing that was really missing in my last ritual, was formal prayer time.  I’ve decided FOR ME what works well, is written prayer.  Especially writing out the parts that I am too lax about - namely confession and adoration.  This formal prayer time is hard for me to get into the habit of (and the problem is laziness, no-question), but here’s what I’m working to do DAILY. 

In a notebook I’ve deemed the Prayer Journal,  

I’ve written out this little outline.

So first off, I want to be sure and recognize that Holy Scripture is the place where God DEFINITELY meets us (this is a great daily reminder).  Then from there, I make 4 stops.  

Here’s a little more explanation:

a) Thank you for showing me...
This is called Adoration.  Right away I want to identify something about God that has been revealed to us in scripture.  Something like ‘God is FAITHFUL when we aren’t,’ or ‘the Pharisees and I have way too much in common.’  A fact that came out of the Scripture I read that day. 

b) I praise you for...
Keeping the focus on HIM, b) is where I celebrate some answered prayers or surprising gifts.

Examples:

Thank you God, none of our children climbed into our bed in the middle of the night! 

or

I praise you that my friend had her last radiation today! Thank you God! You are good!!  

c) Please Lord forgive me... 
Confession time.  I try to be specific. Sometimes I’m like a deer in the headlights.  In this case, it’s good to think about the jobs God has called me to and then consider how I’m doing (jobs like Parent, Wife, Friend, etc.).  Another way to recognize what we need to confess about, is to meditate on the Ten Commandments for about 2 minutes; shouldn’t take much longer than that to stumble onto some sin.  

[Note to self: Luther says, “Don’t torture yourself.”] 

CONFESSION and recognizing forgiveness, i.e. God's MERCY, are both super important.    

d) Please, Lord, hear my cry...
Coming to God with all my burdens and petitions.  I like starting it out “Please Lord hear my cry,” because King David is a great example of how to come before God the Father and plead for help, and that’s the kind of thing he says.   

If you don’t want to write these things down, that’s probably fine.  Since writing helps me process things, that what I do.  On the other hand, I’ve been told that writing them down is neat because then you can go back and see what God is doing in your life and that’s useful.  Either way, the vital thing is that we meet God in prayer daily - somehow, somewhere.  

If you have to come up with a fresh approach to that every few months, that’s ok.  There is more than one way to do things.  

What’s your one-on-one time with Jesus like?

As Soon As I Can Get It Together....

This month my calendar says “Begin Anywhere.  Just begin.”

So true and something we seem to resist often!  I know I always want a beginning and an end. Something neater and tidier than my life usually appears.  

photo credit: Myxi via photopin cc

Today I’m going to clean the living room.  I’ll start at __ time and and end at __ time.  

Ha!

This week we are going to potty train.  By next week we will be done.

Ha!

When we have enough money, then we can start our family.

Ha!

Reminds me of a state-of-mind I once had:

Lord, as soon as I get myself together I will be ready to approach you with the good solid relationship we can have. 

All of these things are somewhat ridiculous.  As soon as I start cleaning I will be interrupted.  If I am not interrupted I will be followed around by the “whirlwind” of 3 children who live here. Potty training does not only take one week.  (No one wants to hear about your done-in-1-day child. ;)  And no one ever has enough money to have a baby. 

Also, there is no such thing as me “preparing” myself for God, or becoming something that will be good enough for him.  

I remember clearly thinking that as soon as I made more time to pray, 

or quit that one bad habit, 

or spent 20 minutes each morning before 7 AM studying scripture... 

then I would be able to come to God with a real commitment. But I wasn’t going to set myself up for failure by really committing to Him before I had the right habits in place.  I’d hate to fail at such an important undertaking. 

Did you catch that?  “I’d hate to fail at such an important undertaking.”

Let’s straighten my old-self out, here. 

Hebrews 12:2 - “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”

Who is the one undertaking this relationship?  Who is the one creating it and nurturing it?  Who is the one making it happen?

Not me. 

JESUS is the author and perfecter of my faith. 

“There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.” (Romans 3:10,11)

“HE has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves..” (Colossians 1:13)

I like a clear beginning.  Today I’m going to….  But a daily life with Christ begins right in the middle of now.  

This miracle of grace and mercy - it’s like a river flowing.  You just jump right into the middle of it.  You don’t wait until it stops.  You don’t wait until the right time.  The right time is now. 

The time for earnest prayer is now.  

The time for blatant confession is now.  

The time for diving into the scriptures and finding out more is now.

The time for being filled up with the Holy Spirit is now.

Stop resisting.  That’s you. 

God is welcoming.  That’s Him.  

Begin Anywhere.  Just Begin. 

What's holding you back from starting something new? Something you know is good for you? Why do we resist?