Secretly, It's Your Favorite Thing

She reached for her phone in the dark.  It was because she was looking for a connection. Tired of feeling alone and disconnected in her own house, she sought out like-minds online. She knew she could find someone to relate with, some kindred spirit, if only in a Pinterest meme. 

The power of "community" has been on my mind. I might be late to this party, but I’m learning regardless of which generation or what region of the world is in question - the value of community resonates with all of us. 

My husband is an introvert and I am an extrovert.  My daughter can’t stand the idea of standing up in front of a group of people, all eyes on her, but my son will dance in the spotlight all night long.  Despite the vast differences in the ways we connect or relate to one another, we still seek to be understood and valued by others - even if it’s just a few close friends. 

The older I get, the pickier I am about my community.  Some days I DON’T want to be surrounded by friends or spend all day on the phone.  However, I still want a connection.  I still want to play a role.  I still want to feel like I belong to a larger group. 

It is community that taught me the truth about being a mom.  The truth that I’m not the only one who has really tough days, lonely days, or frustrating days.  The truth that marriage is infinitely harder than we expected.  Or that we all carry far more self-doubt (and other heavy baggage) than we let on.

Community has also taught me good truths like being able to share our fears and dreams with other women who won’t judge.  Good truth like the power of prayer.  Or that we can laugh together about the hard days and then they don’t seem so heavy.

Community taught me these things.  Community holds me together when I’m falling apart.  It’s a secret I discovered and I want to share it with other women in my ministry. 

In fact, I want my ministry to my family to reflect the value of community too!  My #1 ministry is as the mom in a family structure, and almost more than anything I want our little 5 person unit to recognize the value of connection with each other.  Of community with each other.

The icing on the cake for all these relationships is for Jesus to be in the midst of them.  When HE is present with two or more, hearts and lives can be changed.  I get all pumped up just thinking about how I’ve seen Him work thru friendships, marriages, and acquaintances.

And as I ponder all these things, something even bigger hits me like a brick in the head.  God is ALL about community.  His laws, His son, His never-ending promises - they all reflect RELATIONSHIP with Him and with each other. 

Respecting others,

taking time for Him,

sacrifice for your neighbor,

prayer,

forgiveness

…love. 

He set up His church around community.  Our daily spiritual barometer is a reflection of us being in community with Him. 

It all makes sense when we see our desire for community is no accident.  We are made to crave it.  With Him.  With others.  It’s part of us.  And recognizing this can help us better understand our sometimes crazy behavior.  Our pain and our disappointment.  Our desires and our yearnings.  

The take-aways are endless, so I won’t say much more.  Do with this information what you will.  For me realizing the importance of “community” to my God, helps me see His desires for me in a new way, in a bigger way, that reflects the Kingdom more than I ever understood before.  I’m excited to go forward with this concept in mind, allowing it to trickle into the cracks of daily life growing forgiveness and focus in the lonely spots which once were bare.

Do you tend to embrace community or resist it?  

Why I Love Our Friendship Baggage

photo credit: Dani_vr via photopin cc 

Dear friend I've had forever, 

We've been through so much together, it's kindof a miracle we remain a thing. I'm amazed at US and how well we understand each other and how much we continue to offer one another, endlessly.  

I noticed the other day during a text conversation we were having - our history is packaged into almost every meaningful phrase or moment we share. 

I needed advice and encouragement, so you said, "I know you can survive those politics," and we both know you are right because we've been through it before.

When you say, "let God be in charge of that," 

we both know we've learned that lesson the hard way.  

And when we say, "We have to get together soon," 

we know it doesn't matter how soon - nothing will have changed in the way we can connect and support each other. We've been through too much for it to be any other way. 

So thankful for the baggage of friendship we carry. That load has changed me, but only for the better. 

Love you, 

Me

Semantics: Using My Words for Good

I love words.  I love how useful they are and how sometimes I can use them to get my way.  Hehehehe-maniacal-laugh!

Just kidding.

Words are pretty useful.  They can be tricky and powerful and sometimes downright scary.  Today I realized that with just the twist of a phrase, I can go from sounding like a kind, compassionate person to sounding like a total jerk.

Picture it:  You and some friends are standing in the parking lot after school chatting for a few minutes before taking your kids home.  One of the women recently twisted her ankle while taking her kids for a walk, so she stands there with the aid of the crutches she pulled out of the attic.  Someone walks up and says, "Hey, What did you do to your ankle?!"  

photo credit: Graham Ballantyne via photopin cc

Oh, yes, a familiar scene.  And usually the "victim" feels like she has to explain herself, accounting for whatever clumsiness exists in her gene-pool.  There is an embarrassment factor here that exists and it's unfortunate.  Don't we feel dumb often enough already?

I'm not trying to be Sensitive-Sally here.  I don't want you to start over-analyzing everything people say to you.  Most of the things we say are meant as harmless attempts to communicate.  On the other hand, I am a fan of using our words for good.  So what if we twisted this question just a little?  What if instead, the newcomer walks up and says, "What happened to your ankle?"
Not "What did YOU do to your ankle..."
Just - "What happened?"

This morning at work my dad and I were moving gates around, and all the sudden he was holding his thumb and making that "Oh crap" face.  So I said, "What did you do to your thumb?"  There was a tone that came out with that question indicating maybe somehow he could have avoided this injury.  Like I might as well have added, "...Loser."  But at the time, I didn't even know what had happened.  So why does my question come out implicating him in the misfortune?

What tone do I set when I talk to my kids and my husband?  Do I hand-out guilt when I talk to people about their hardships?

It's probably easier for all of us when we feel that there is someone to blame when bad things happen.  I think we have a tendency to want to find a very direct reason for mishaps - big ones and little ones.  But often times things just happen and we can't explain it and it's not necessary to make someone feel that their current circumstances were avoidable if they had just ________.

I gave up guilt for Lent.  It was great.  Turns out God is not interested in me carrying around and wallowing in the guilt that he already paid for.  Treating myself with more compassion and kindness has been nice.  Thinking maybe I'll be more intentional about speaking to others with compassion too.  'Cause words can be pretty powerful.  And I'd like to use them for good.  Want to join me?

Real-Life Friendship

Sometimes as women, we find ourselves trying to define the kind of friendships with have.

“We are really close.”  

“She is a great encouragement to me.”  

“One of my best friends…”

photo credit: San Diego Shooter via photopin cc

Have you ever found yourself having to defend that relationship to someone? It can be a challenge. Trying to put measurement and value on the aspects of your relationship that are good, can feel futile.

 

“I know she has her problems, but she is a good friend.”  

“I know you guys don’t get along, but we’ve never had much conflict.”

“I know…”

Not sure that we really know what we are talking about in these conversations.  We would LIKE to know.  We tend to be more comfortable when we can define things.  

It makes it easier to apply value,

to defend worth,

and to justify time spent.  

But I’ve learned that doing that can diminish the actual treasure of a relationship.

God has called us to community.  He recognizes the blessing and advantage that our lives glean from a comfortable talk, a good laugh, and a real-life “I get it.”  We are helped by a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, and a warm hug.  

No one is perfect.  

No one is flawless.  

These things are offered by the least of these, to the least of these… and it is a gift from God.

The conflicts we survive: they strengthen our relationships.  

The pain we endure: can inspire others to persevere.  

The tears we cry: make us vulnerable to others so we can let them in… to see we are all human.  

I hate when a friend is hurting.  

I hate that we cannot escape the drama of real life, the baggage we carry with us, or the weakness of the human condition.  

But I’m learning that the people God has placed in our lives - very few of them are people we seek out.  Very few of them are friendships we chose.  

Those relationships choose us.  

And unless I have a clearly abusive relationship, I don’t have to EXPLAIN these friendships or acquaintances to anyone.  They are real.  They are the accumulation of friendly greetings at church or common interests found in small talk.  They are the collection of eyes meeting, of school aged children, of waiting for practice to end.  They are the sum of familiar stories, funny jokes, and common humor.  And they are ready and waiting when they need to be a comfortable place to land, a knowing groan, or a sympathetic ear.  

I’m going to stop trying to define and breakdown the relationships I have with people.  The usefulness of this is limited and confined to my narrow, faulty concept of the universe.  

Instead I’m going to recognize the immeasurable wealth that comes from my friendships.  

Lifetime or recent.  

Work related or family.  

Mature or uncultivated.

 

They serve a purpose.  My life is enriched.  

For this I praise God.