Why Even Free-Spirited Mamas Want A Schedule

As the school year arrives and the cornfield out my window begins to turn, parents near and far can be heard cheering for the return of ROUTINE. Not to say all moms and dads are happy about constantly-in-your-face-family-time being over, but I mean… most of them are.  ;) 

Anyway, regardless of what kind of schooling your kids are getting, if they are over the age of 3 this is the time of year routine tends to take over. And most of us are glad. 

The beauty of routine has always brought me some degree of comfort. As a teacher, I loved the start of the school year. Fresh and clean, stretching out before us, specific expectations and schedules ready to be followed. It gives me structure that my creative/lazy/pinball-resembling-brain does not have on its own. I am not one who defaults to schedules and healthy habits. As much as I love making lists, my follow through is not so great.

As a teacher I learned that children thrive under routine as well. I’m not talking about every-second-of-the-day scheduled routine, or extracurricular practices 4 nights a week. I’m talking about knowing what to expect. Breakfast and dinner around the same time every day (we are terrible at the latter), a consistent plan for right after school, the same place for homework every day. When my kids are allowed to lazy-around all morning in the summer or on a Saturday, we always have more behavioral issues than if they had some kindof schedule to start off their day.  

Even if the schedule is,
"First we are going to eat breakfast and get dressed and then we are going to do puzzles all morning." 

Adults are the same. It’s really hard to get into a routine at home, and every inch of my being resists most attempts, but many aspects of my life are finally learning the beauty of routine.  

Advantage #1: I know where things are.

• When I pull in the garage, my sunglasses and keys go on the dash.
• My meds stay in the cubby in my van because I will see them there. My chapstick too.
• The phone plug-in is next to my bed and usually stays there, so at night I can easily remember to plug in my phone. (Definitely learned that one from my husband. With a brain wired like mine, sometimes these things don’t seem so obvious without being told.)

I have managed to train myself to leave these items in these spots or I would be lost at all times.  (It’s bad enough with the rest of the things I own.)

Advantage #2: My kids know what to expect.

I certainly have a lot of room for improvement, especially on this one.  But I am inspired by how well this works for the routines we HAVE managed to establish.

• Bedtime always includes a story. Eddie gets at least one, maybe 2 books read to him in bed before going to sleep. (Depends on how well-behaved he has been that evening.) The girls lay down and read for at least 15 minutes before lights are off. This has been such a good way for everyone to settle down in our family.  
• On church and school mornings there is no television. I know it works for some families, but for us it is a disaster. So everyone in our family has gotten pretty used to that rule now. If a child is all ready to go and we aren't leaving yet, there might be an opportunity for said child to play an electronic device. But honestly, my girls pretty much take all the time they are given to prepare for their day. #liketheirmom
• When we are guests somewhere, and the visit is wrapping up, I pretty much ALWAYS give a 5 or 10 minute warning. This has served us quite well. I’m not saying they NEVER have meltdowns when it’s time to leave, but it could definitely be worse. (Usually it’s only one out of the 3 kids who struggle with this, so it helps that the other 2 are compliant.)

Advantage #3: The house isn't as messy as it could be.

• When I fill a laundry basket with clothes that I know I’m not folding right now, there is a certain corner of my room that basket goes.  It doesn't sit in my living room (as often as it used to), it goes directly to my room.  The living room doesn't get overrun with laundry then, just toys and books.
• Same with my kitchen, to a degree.  All the dirty dishes go to the left of the sink.  Even if THAT counter is overflowing with dishes, at least the other counters aren't.  PLUS, when it’s time for someone to fill the dishwasher or fold clothes, everything is in one place.  When my kids are looking for clean clothes, they know where to find them.  

Look, fellow freebird-mama, I love a spontaneous day just as much as the next Type B personality. But, I encourage and URGE you to identify just a couple spots in your day that could use some help, and try to weave in a little routine.

[Words of warning: 1) Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Don't try to add routine to every minute of your day. Failure is guaranteed. 2) And don’t expect everyone to “get it” the first time. It takes time.]

Nevertheless, if you set a goal or two for yourself and stick to it, you will eventually see results. You’re going to need to find your sunglasses tomorrow and put your kids to bed and make dinner, whether you've established a routine for those things or not.  So wouldn't it be nice to have a plan when that moment is staring you down?   

What is a simple routine that has saved your sanity? Your everyday-habit might be a game-changer for someone else!

Sundays Could Be Less Busy

Ahhh, another busy Sunday in the books. 
Hmmm those words don't sound like they go together. 

Busy - Sunday?  

But I know you can relate. As this busy Sunday came to a close, I found myself wondering why we have to cram so much into Sundays. Sometimes they are great.  But sometimes I wake up on Monday and I’m trying to figure out where the resting part ran off to.

Why are we all so busy these days?!

Here's what we really SHOULD all be doing on Sundays. 

Is part of it that we are impatient? We want it to happen NOW and so we add another trip or event to the schedule. 

Is it because we just have access to more people and more travel arrangements these days? Since people know we "can," an expectations arises that we "should." 

Maybe it's our desire for the rest of the world to see how great things are going for us. We'd better make an appearance at X, Y, and Z because we wouldn't want them to think.... 

I really believe it often has something to do with boundaries. A good friend and I have been wrestling with boundaries on all sorts of levels lately. Discussing boundaries as they pertain to 

friendships, 

marriages, 

Facebook, 

kid's schedules, and 

our own appointment calendar. 

We've been encouraging each other to make choices that result in less busy-time and more days at home. We've been consciously considering who we want to be vulnerable with and how we can interact with people in positive, non-stressful ways. 

This boundary-making is probably easier during some life seasons than others. It might be harder because of the kind of extended family you have. Obviously financial circumstances can affect the kinds of choices we have to make too. 

I'm learning a lot about this and I haven't gotten it all figured out. Of course some days are crazy busy and I still share things with people and immediately regret opening my big mouth. But I challenge you to join me - and keep me accountable - asking these questions: 

• Is this the best thing for my family? 
• Is this good for my emotional well-being? 
• Can I afford this? 

One last thing. I'm guilty of looking around and quickly pointing out all the people whose priorities are clearly out of whack! What is she doing? Yikes! She should be _________!

Stop. I need to stop. You need to stop. 

This is one area where we can for sure take that energy and direct it towards what WE need to do for OURSELVES. Other people have to make their own decisions. Be a good example by establishing boundaries for yourself and encouraging your friends when they ask. Let's try to avoid getting so distracted assessing everyone else's calendars, when our own use of time takes up plenty of brain cells on it's own. 

Had to make any hard choices lately for the sake of your sanity?

Is My Daily Life As A Mom A "Battle?"

Today is Hearts at Home's monthly blog hop! If you'd like to know about Hearts at Home (it's a great organization with a life-changing yearly conference), go here.

Take part in today's blog hop by checking out the other blogs involved! Today's theme is Love Your Now. This is a reflection of the 2014 conference theme Love Your Life. You can read more about why I love Hearts if you click here.  

Plenty of to-do list surrounding me, but a few minutes of pause are available, so I will take them. Who knows how long I have before the battle begins again, right?

Wait. Let’s not call it a battle. I’ve had a couple of good reminders this morning about how great my job is. 

photo credit: clement127 via photopin

And it’s not that I don’t like my job. I do like it. When I run into people from my life as a teacher, and they say “How are you?! We miss you! Do you miss it?” I pause. I DO miss those people. I have missed teaching. But I am so entrenched in my SAHM life now - in a good way - that it’s like thinking back to another lifetime. Life is so different today.

And is it a battle? A battle with time, for sure. I struggle against the minutes that rush by. Only 22 minutes until we have to leave for school. Only 47 minutes till bedtime and we just sat down to eat. Only 8 days till the birthday party. Only 3 weeks till VBS starts. Only a couple months before he won’t fit into this anymore. Only a few years to impart all I can to my oldest.

And on the flip side of that, we “can’t wait” till that day comes. Hopefully the house will be done in the next 5 months. Looking forward to seeing you when we come up for vacation in July. Can’t wait to meet your baby – are you STILL pregnant?  When Daddy gets home, then maybe we can go to the park.

It’s a battle with time, no doubt. But I’d like to think of daily life a little differently. Not a battle. While my house does look like a WAR ZONE, it shouldn’t be a battle. Then what should I call it? I could liken it to a school: trying to teach my kids how to love, how to have compassion, how to clean their rooms. I might relate it to a game: attempting to stay one step ahead of my kids, strategizing my every move, and quickly – but carefully- choosing my next words so I can..what? Win? Well, sortof.

Really it’s just Life – in the fullest sense of the word. There is no one so full of life as a 4 year-old. There is no one who can remind you of the miracle of life, like a baby in your arms. There is no one who looks ahead to a life of possibilities like a 7 year-old. 

Life lives here. Right now.  

In my war zone – 

toys strewn about, 

yesterday’s clothes piled on top of the high laundry mountains that exude “life,” 

dirty dishes, 

open windows with the sunny breeze blowing in. 

This is where Life lives. 

My life.  

And I love it. 

It has been a busy one. It has been a struggle lately for me to find the right balance in the midst of a crazy schedule. I’ve had to put off writing, reading for pleasure, and networking. But I am attempting to hold on to this life and make each day count. I get frustrated when I can’t slow down time. I feel like a failure when it seems I’m losing the game. So I am especially thankful for moments like this, when I can step back and, well, enjoy my life.  

Right now. 

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.Psalm 118:24

What have you had to sacrifice lately so that life "right now" can be what it needs to be?

A Message for Moms of Small Children

It turns out I spend a lot of my Time thinking about how much Time I have.  I suspect there are many moms out there that can relate.  This thought process will include contemplation of whether I spend too much Time sleeping in the morning and how I should probably be getting up earlier. (I could get so much more accomplished if I was up at 5, right?!)  It includes thoughts about how I can make better use of our Time before school in the mornings, and how I could possibly streamline mealtime.  I spend a lot of Time feeling guilty for how I am not spending enough Time in the Word or reading with my kids.  Lately I’ve been wishing I had more time to blog and to hang out with my husband. 

Today at Mom’s Bible Study we talked about Time and how we should probably be spending more time just getting to know our kids.  There was a lot of talk about perspective and priorities.  It made me think about what my priorities are when I come home.  What do I do with my Time?  

My house is rarely cleaned up really good to start with.  This isn’t a self-help session on why, but it’s pertinent to the conversation because I’m already walking into a room that is screaming for my Time.  However, the first thing that is addressed is:  What are the needs of my children right now?  #1.  Is it time for anyone to eat?  Are my kids hungry?  Is it time for the baby’s bottle?  #2 then is, does anyone need to be cleaned?  Diapers or baths anyone?  And #3 tackles sleep.  Is it naptime?  Is it bedtime?  Is anyone especially crabby that they require immediate attention?  

Ok, so that was my kids.  Then my husband gets the same attention.  :) Right?  I mean, if he has just come home, those are the issues that need to be addressed first.  If he walks in the door filthy, at least one of those things needs to be rectified before I can hand him a child.  

Lastly then I ask if I need food, a shower, or a nap.  Haha, actually that last one was funny because that is rarely addressed.  Anyway, it turns out these things take a lot of time!  But if I haven’t had a shower in over a day and a half I am not functioning very well.  And now look – the dishes that come from the appetite and the clothes that come from the dirt are waiting for you when you are finished meeting everyone’s needs.  We haven’t even touched homework, reading, piano practice, playtime, picking up toys, or a devotion time.  Not to mention mental sanity events including a phone call with a girlfriend or a visit to grandma’s house.  

This isn’t a list of excuses or justification for my kitchen table looking the way it does.  It’s simply a meeting with reality.  We spend a lot of time in “fairy-tale-land” as my 4-year-old says, but occasionally it’s a good idea to take a look at reality.  If you are beating yourself up because things don’t ‘look the way you want them to,’ take a break.  Look at what you’ve accomplished today.  Are your children safe?  Clean enough?  Fed?  Have you bathed in the last 36 hours?  Then cut yourself some slack.  The laundry will still be there when your husband is ready to hold the baby.  :)