Friday, March 19, 2010

Turning Fear into Faith

Studying Real Moms, Real Jesus, by Jill Savage.

Here’s what I know. I’m scared. I’m scared we are going to have a half finished house and not have the funds to finish it. I’m scared next year I won’t have the money to stay home with our new baby and to take care of our three children and our new home.

It’s about money.

And it’s about faith.

The other day we were out at the house. It was a beautiful evening. Brad was working hard, as usual, and the girls were playing. I wasn’t feeling that well and I was kindof moping around. Brad wanted to know what was wrong. I told him. “When I come out here I just worry we aren’t going to be able to pay for all this.” He didn’t say much.

When he came home a few hours later he said, “The next time you come out the house, bring a new attitude. I don’t need that.”

He is so right. He doesn’t need me doubting the success of this enormous project that he has taken on for our family. He doesn’t need me questioning him. He isn’t building this house as a hobby or because he thinks it will be fun. He’s doing it for our family. He’s doing it to provide for us. I am not being helpful with that kind of an attitude.

Why do I doubt so often? Why can’t I get it thru my thick skull that God has brought us here and he will see it thru?

Here’s what I know. When I got pregnant with Clare I knew God didn’t want me back at work full time. He moved the sun and the moon and my husband’s heart to get us back here. Brad’s job had been eliminated a few years before. We were devastated, but it gave him the final push to start out on his own. God blessed him with more than enough work BACK HOME, before we were even considering moving back. This house came available at just the right time, we sold ours, made a profit and paid off almost all our debt. We started over with this new home. And while we’ve made mistakes with money, we’ve learned a lot, and we continue to find guidance and wisdom in how to manage our blessings. It makes the most sense for us to build – we can’t find a home big enough for our family for less than what it costs to just have Brad build us a new one. And is there any doubt at all, when I go out to that house, that it is our new home? None at all. Now God has blessed us with a pregnancy, a new baby to be born just in time for our new home.

How can I doubt God’s hand in all this?

Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for not seeing how all this makes so much sense. Forgive me for not realizing what you have in store for us. Forgive me, Lord, for my unbelief.

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