I hate that I am helpless to do anything about it.
I hate that it doesn’t make any sense.
I hate that I can do so little to be of use to you.
I hate that I want to say all the right things, but my self-centered nature will most certainly get in the way.
All day I go over the facts – and the emotions – over and over again in my head.
Occasionally I remember to pray, but not often enough.
I’m distracted by the silence from God, I don’t give him much time to respond,
and I’m back to worrying again.. back to being sad again.. back to wandering aimlessly through my day.
I’m not the victim here. It’s not about me.
But I’m all I have, not leaning on my God – enough –
and so I can’t help but look for solutions, answers.. from me.
It’s hopeless.
It really is, with this approach.
As the day wears on, we are all tired. Hashing thru her pain again, I recall the need for prayer. And a weary prayer goes up – Lord, hold her.
Hold all of us, as we struggle. Hold your children: confused, sad, and feeling helpless.
Lord, you say in our weakness, you are strong. You say you comfort the weary.
And at this point, what else can I bring? I obviously have little to offer, except hate for this reality
and my empty words.
I turn to you.
Psalm 121 “I lift my eyes up to the hills –
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.”
The popular song fills my head and my heart and the fervent plea in his voice becomes my own. All I can remember is the part where he repeats it over and over, and it seems so appropriate.
I look online at the lyrics and, oh, yes, that’s right - Casting Crowns – I Praise You in This Storm.
I love that song. I love the words, I love the blatant truths it tells.
But she probably does not. I mean, easy for me to praise You in this storm.. It’s not really my storm. I can’t pretend to know for any ounce of time, how I would feel.. or pray to you.. in a storm like this.
But maybe I can praise and pray,
in the midst of this storm,
for her.
Maybe we can all praise You for your faithfulness and carrying us thru storms like this. And I can praise You in this storm, when she can’t. And I can turn my eyes to the hills,
when she can’t.
And all of us, standing by, feeling helpless,
can pray the prayers, when our friend can’t.
“For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried, You hold in your hand
You never left my side, and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm.”
Amen
ReplyDelete