Thursday, May 13, 2010

Warning: I'm Hormonal

Feeling really pregnant at this moment. Finally sitting down in a chair and my belly looks quite large. I’m rubbing it, as pregnancy seems to warrant, slowly and somewhat methodically I suppose.

I now realize my feet are sore. I’m not complaining, just realizing. It’s been one of those days, where I’m pretty sure I haven’t sat down for hours. I worked today, which went very well, and then came home and managed all that waits here. Sophia has Career Dress-Up Day tomorrow, so we worked on creating an outfit for her that screams “ARTIST!!!” Of course, this involves fabric paint and a LOT of excitement. Clare had to get into it too, and finger paints weren’t enough for her. She had to empty a couple of bottles of fabric paint onto finger-paint-paper and then cover the paper with it using q-tips. I know. It’s fabulous. Obviously there were some issues, like – fabric paint doesn’t come off of.. well, fabric. So my girls gradually stripped down. It doesn’t exactly wipe off skin either, but I’m just not really too concerned about it.

All of this in the midst of a pretty crabby Clare tonight. Lots of crying and whining and all that 3 year old kind of stuff. Asking her to come to dinner, or pick up toys, or wash her hands, has been like asking Iran to cooperate. It’s just not looking good.

Meanwhile, Brad was going out to the house. I asked him to be home by 7:15 so we could eat together, but get Clare to bed before 9. Didn’t happen. Shock of the century. So I was a bit perturbed. You know how a cranky child can suck the life out of you, quickly dissolving reason and sanity. It was a lot like that. So I won’t be much of a conversationalist tonight, but he’ll get over it.

On the plus side, I’m married to a very committed man, pretty happily overall. (Did I just say he should be committed? Just kidding. J) Seriously, today was one of those days where there were all these conversations about people who are getting divorced. And this week I’ve been thinking a lot about how really glad I am to be in a stable relationship, raising children in a healthy environment such as this. Well, ya know – relatively healthy. J I had a dream at the beginning of the week that Brad was leaving me. It was like a movie. We’d been on this long trip together, I thought celebrating our 15 years together. But at the end he informed me that it had been a ‘last hurrah’ of sorts and it was over. After collapsing and beginning to try to process what he was saying, I woke up – in tears – and looked around horrified.

Every day this week since then, there has been something to make me feel sad for someone else.. like watching a freshly divorced dad in the stillness of the early morning, quietly drop off bicycle equipment for his kids who have moved across town, and then leave without going inside. Like hearing about a couple, only married a year, who have decided they just can’t work it out, and they are going their separate ways.

I’m not criticizing this behavior, I’m just saddened by it. I’m so thankful to feel secure in my marriage and to feel loved and like we are both on the same page. This year is crazy – me pregnant, Brad building a house – but it’s ours. And we are trying really hard not to completely screw it up. It’s tricky, as marriage tends to be. But with the grace of God, we will get thru this year – stronger and smarter when it’s over.

In exhausting moments like this, it’s good that God gives me a thankful heart. And when this one, huge, fabulous thing hits me – it’s easy to look around and see some more things I’m thankful for. At this moment, Sophia walked in with bright eyes and said, holding her cup from dinner, “Mom. I’m Super Lucky – I had cranberry juice left.” She drinks it. “Super Lucky,” she raises her eyebrows and grins.

Yeah. Super Lucky.

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