Not a Battle

Plenty of to-do list surrounding me, but a few minutes of pause are available to me, so I will take them. Who knows how long I have before the battle begins again?

Wait. Let’s not call it a battle. I’ve had a couple of good reminders this morning about how great my job is. And it’s not that I don’t like my job. I do like it. When I run into people from my life as a teacher, and they say “How are you?! We miss you! Do you miss it?” I pause. I DO miss those people. I have missed teaching. But I am so entrenched in my SAHM life now - in a good way - that it’s like thinking back to another lifetime. Life is so different today.

And is it a battle? A battle with time, for sure. I struggle against the minutes that rush by. Only 22 minutes until we have to leave for school. Only 47 minutes till bedtime and we just sat down to eat. Only 8 days till the birthday party. Only 3 weeks till VBS starts. Only a couple months before he won’t fit into this anymore. Only a few years to impart all I can to my oldest.

And on the flip side of that, we “can’t wait” till that day comes. Hopefully the house will be done in the next 5 months. (Been saying that for years now J.) Looking forward to seeing you when we come up for vacation in July. Can’t wait to meet your baby – are you STILL pregnant? or When Daddy gets home, then maybe we can go to the park.

It’s a battle with time, no doubt. But I’d like to think of daily life a little differently. Not a battle. While my house does look like a WAR ZONE, it shouldn’t be a battle. Then what should I call it? I could liken it to a school: trying to teach my kids how to love, how to have compassion, how to clean their room. I might relate it to a game: attempting to stay one step ahead of my kids, strategizing my every move, and quickly – but carefully- choosing my next words so I can..what? Win? Well, sortof.

Really it’s just Life – in the fullest sense of the word. There is no one so full of life as a 4 year-old. There is no one who can remind you of the miracle of life, like a baby in your arms. There is no one who looks ahead to a life of possibilities like a 7 year-old. Life lives here. In my war zone – toys strewn about, yesterday’s clothes piled on top of the high laundry mountains that exude “life,” dirty dishes, open windows with the sunny breeze blowing in. This is where Life lives. My life. The life of my family.

It has been a busy one. It has been a struggle lately for me to find the right balance in the midst of a crazy schedule. I’ve had to put off writing, reading for pleasure, and social networking. But I am attempting to hold on to this life and make each day count. I get frustrated when I can’t slow down time. I feel like a failure when it seems I’m losing the game. So I am especially thankful for moments like this, when I can step back and, well, enjoy my life.

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

Poetry doesn't take as long...sometimes

It Works

Soaking up the quiet night

I listen to my babies breathe.

I should sleep with them, but I can’t resist

breathing-in this moment.

So many things compete for

my attention, my eyes, my touch.

I relish these moments of sole-

soul searching.

My family, my husband, my life.. nothing is more a part of me, nothing I’d rather give my life to. My time to.

But I need to re-energize.

I wish I could get this

with all of them around.

But I can’t, and I laugh at how ironic life is.

What else can I do?
Crying is the alternative.

Tomorrow I will be frustrated with

how little I can accomplish.

And seconds later my heart will melt

at the reality of how much I love my children

when I’m helping Clare get dressed.

Because that’s how it works.

That’s how this works.

Life Now

Long time since I posted any pictures of the house. These are certainly worthy. :) (See the house back there behind Edwin?)

The front door is in! I love it. That is one thing that is clearly new. Lots of things have been happening with the house, but they don't make exciting pictures. Plumbing and electrical are in. And there were a few more framing things Brad has been working on, but stuff you have to look hard to see. Inspector came thru and gave us the go-ahead, so we can move on to the next phase!

I've had some people ask for new pictures, and I guess I could take some more. Not sure what it is that's keeping me so busy these days... ? ;) just kidding. No, really, though it would be fun to go take some more pics. I should because soon we will be getting insulation and drywall and then things will look really different!!! We are at a turning point. Garage floor went in last weekend, insulation and drywall coming in soon and things will be changing! Not getting ahead of myself looking at moving dates, though. Still a lot of work to do and Brad still has a very full-time job.

Meanwhile, I'm just trying to take care of the house and life we have now. Lots to do - laundry, dishes, groceries, school trips, etc... It's very rewarding, but I have not had the time I wish I had to write. So that is suffering. But my kids are not. When we're home, we've found a couple of no-tv nights. The girls have been getting along pretty well overall, and they both want to do what they can to help out with baby brother. Sophie got new glasses and is persevering thru the parts of school she struggles with. She also continues to thrive at the parts she is fabulous at - namely math and handwriting and art. Clare's 4th birthday is quickly approaching and her wishlist is a mile long. :) And Edwin is generally happy.. especially when I am holding him or Sophie is in the room.

Trying to sort thru priorities lately has been a challenge. For a while there I was writing a lot, but the house and organized life were crumbling around me. Something always has to give. But this is a phase in my life - mother of small children - that will not last that long. So I want to give it as much attention as I can. Today I sat in an armchair feeding my baby boy a bottle. The house was quiet (girls were at school) and I rested my chin on his soft head. I took a deep breath and soaked it up. I looked down at him and rested my cheek on his fine hair. He looked up at me and smiled a little. He likes it when you snuggle. It's different the third time around. I know how quickly this changes. I know better than to wish away any moments. I know I can't get this back. Life marches on dutifully.

Been reading The Spirituality of the Cross and in it there is a part about the daily life of a Christian. It's these mundane moments, these uneventful minutes where we learn about the grace of God and the love of our Maker. I pray that you have a few minutes to soak it up this week. Enjoy your mundane moments. Give your daily frustrations to the Lord. Such is life.

Baby crying.. gotta go. :)