Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Not a Battle

Plenty of to-do list surrounding me, but a few minutes of pause are available to me, so I will take them. Who knows how long I have before the battle begins again?

Wait. Let’s not call it a battle. I’ve had a couple of good reminders this morning about how great my job is. And it’s not that I don’t like my job. I do like it. When I run into people from my life as a teacher, and they say “How are you?! We miss you! Do you miss it?” I pause. I DO miss those people. I have missed teaching. But I am so entrenched in my SAHM life now - in a good way - that it’s like thinking back to another lifetime. Life is so different today.

And is it a battle? A battle with time, for sure. I struggle against the minutes that rush by. Only 22 minutes until we have to leave for school. Only 47 minutes till bedtime and we just sat down to eat. Only 8 days till the birthday party. Only 3 weeks till VBS starts. Only a couple months before he won’t fit into this anymore. Only a few years to impart all I can to my oldest.

And on the flip side of that, we “can’t wait” till that day comes. Hopefully the house will be done in the next 5 months. (Been saying that for years now J.) Looking forward to seeing you when we come up for vacation in July. Can’t wait to meet your baby – are you STILL pregnant? or When Daddy gets home, then maybe we can go to the park.

It’s a battle with time, no doubt. But I’d like to think of daily life a little differently. Not a battle. While my house does look like a WAR ZONE, it shouldn’t be a battle. Then what should I call it? I could liken it to a school: trying to teach my kids how to love, how to have compassion, how to clean their room. I might relate it to a game: attempting to stay one step ahead of my kids, strategizing my every move, and quickly – but carefully- choosing my next words so I can..what? Win? Well, sortof.

Really it’s just Life – in the fullest sense of the word. There is no one so full of life as a 4 year-old. There is no one who can remind you of the miracle of life, like a baby in your arms. There is no one who looks ahead to a life of possibilities like a 7 year-old. Life lives here. In my war zone – toys strewn about, yesterday’s clothes piled on top of the high laundry mountains that exude “life,” dirty dishes, open windows with the sunny breeze blowing in. This is where Life lives. My life. The life of my family.

It has been a busy one. It has been a struggle lately for me to find the right balance in the midst of a crazy schedule. I’ve had to put off writing, reading for pleasure, and social networking. But I am attempting to hold on to this life and make each day count. I get frustrated when I can’t slow down time. I feel like a failure when it seems I’m losing the game. So I am especially thankful for moments like this, when I can step back and, well, enjoy my life.

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Psalm 118:24

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