Is My Daily Life As A Mom A "Battle?"

Today is Hearts at Home's monthly blog hop! If you'd like to know about Hearts at Home (it's a great organization with a life-changing yearly conference), go here.

Take part in today's blog hop by checking out the other blogs involved! Today's theme is Love Your Now. This is a reflection of the 2014 conference theme Love Your Life. You can read more about why I love Hearts if you click here.  

Plenty of to-do list surrounding me, but a few minutes of pause are available, so I will take them. Who knows how long I have before the battle begins again, right?

Wait. Let’s not call it a battle. I’ve had a couple of good reminders this morning about how great my job is. 

photo credit: clement127 via photopin

And it’s not that I don’t like my job. I do like it. When I run into people from my life as a teacher, and they say “How are you?! We miss you! Do you miss it?” I pause. I DO miss those people. I have missed teaching. But I am so entrenched in my SAHM life now - in a good way - that it’s like thinking back to another lifetime. Life is so different today.

And is it a battle? A battle with time, for sure. I struggle against the minutes that rush by. Only 22 minutes until we have to leave for school. Only 47 minutes till bedtime and we just sat down to eat. Only 8 days till the birthday party. Only 3 weeks till VBS starts. Only a couple months before he won’t fit into this anymore. Only a few years to impart all I can to my oldest.

And on the flip side of that, we “can’t wait” till that day comes. Hopefully the house will be done in the next 5 months. Looking forward to seeing you when we come up for vacation in July. Can’t wait to meet your baby – are you STILL pregnant?  When Daddy gets home, then maybe we can go to the park.

It’s a battle with time, no doubt. But I’d like to think of daily life a little differently. Not a battle. While my house does look like a WAR ZONE, it shouldn’t be a battle. Then what should I call it? I could liken it to a school: trying to teach my kids how to love, how to have compassion, how to clean their rooms. I might relate it to a game: attempting to stay one step ahead of my kids, strategizing my every move, and quickly – but carefully- choosing my next words so I can..what? Win? Well, sortof.

Really it’s just Life – in the fullest sense of the word. There is no one so full of life as a 4 year-old. There is no one who can remind you of the miracle of life, like a baby in your arms. There is no one who looks ahead to a life of possibilities like a 7 year-old. 

Life lives here. Right now.  

In my war zone – 

toys strewn about, 

yesterday’s clothes piled on top of the high laundry mountains that exude “life,” 

dirty dishes, 

open windows with the sunny breeze blowing in. 

This is where Life lives. 

My life.  

And I love it. 

It has been a busy one. It has been a struggle lately for me to find the right balance in the midst of a crazy schedule. I’ve had to put off writing, reading for pleasure, and networking. But I am attempting to hold on to this life and make each day count. I get frustrated when I can’t slow down time. I feel like a failure when it seems I’m losing the game. So I am especially thankful for moments like this, when I can step back and, well, enjoy my life.  

Right now. 

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.Psalm 118:24

What have you had to sacrifice lately so that life "right now" can be what it needs to be?

There's More Than One Way To Do It

My mom and I have an ongoing joke that we like to toss into conversation:

“You mean there’s more than one way to do things? Hahaha!”

It’s taken a lot of years to realize that OUR WAY ISN’T THE ONLY WAY.

Sisters-in-law teach us this.

Children teach us this.

Husbands teach us this.

You know how we have a habit of being hardest on those closest to us?  This is something I’m really trying to work on.  Especially this last year as my marriage has hit some pretty big bumps (more like fallen into some deep canyons), I’m learning that not only IS there more than one way to do things… I’m supposed to honor my husband’s ways.

Let me repeat that.

God asks me to HONOR my husband’s ways.

Not make jokes.  Not pick at.  Not criticize.  

HONOR.

“Honor one another above yourselves.” Romans 12:10b

This week I got some practice.

My husband and our son were spending the morning together.  They were loading up the trailer for a trip to the recycling center.  It went well.  Eddie (who is 3) was a good helper and their work paid off.

They headed to our local rural goods store to pick up some things and while there, they found the toy aisle.

Wanting to reward his son for a job well done, the 2 of them picked out a toy.  

But not just any toy.

A CAT excavator.  Controls allow it to move forward or backward, extend the arm, and shovel!  When extended the thing is 2 feet in length.  There is even a button that just plays music, which causes Edwin to break into dancing every time.

They came home smiling ear to ear.

When I realized what had transpired, the voice in my head was condescendingly yelling “What are you doing?!  IT’S 2 WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!!”

But by the grace of God, that is not what I said.  

I smiled.  I laughed with them.  I praised Ed for his great morning.  I relaxed and realized, it’s ok.  

He loves the thing of course, and so does his Dad.  

This is clearly not the way I do things.  But is it really wrong?  Is it really so bad?  My husband had the opportunity to do something special with his boy.  Not a common occurance.  He takes the girls shopping once or twice a year.  Why not his son?  They both came out feeling great.  

Zero. Harm. Done.

Per the wise counsel I’ve been getting, I could see that honoring this event was profoundly worth more than expressing my opinion.  

After respecting that OTHER voice in my head - the one that said “COOL IT!” - I was given the opportunity to see how delightful this event really was.  

Since I wasn’t drowning out the good with my criticism, I was shown what a fabulous thing it is to let my husband parent His way.  

And I managed to honor my husband’s way above my own.

I’m glad I had this lesson as we head into Christmas.  I’m hoping I can remember that my way is not the only way.  So I can honor others above myself... and maybe even learn something along the way.  

Do you struggle with the “crazy” ideas of others infiltrating YOUR plans?  Or am I the only one?  Tell me I’m not the only one! ;)

Real-Life Friendship

Sometimes as women, we find ourselves trying to define the kind of friendships with have.

“We are really close.”  

“She is a great encouragement to me.”  

“One of my best friends…”

photo credit: San Diego Shooter via photopin cc

Have you ever found yourself having to defend that relationship to someone? It can be a challenge. Trying to put measurement and value on the aspects of your relationship that are good, can feel futile.

 

“I know she has her problems, but she is a good friend.”  

“I know you guys don’t get along, but we’ve never had much conflict.”

“I know…”

Not sure that we really know what we are talking about in these conversations.  We would LIKE to know.  We tend to be more comfortable when we can define things.  

It makes it easier to apply value,

to defend worth,

and to justify time spent.  

But I’ve learned that doing that can diminish the actual treasure of a relationship.

God has called us to community.  He recognizes the blessing and advantage that our lives glean from a comfortable talk, a good laugh, and a real-life “I get it.”  We are helped by a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, and a warm hug.  

No one is perfect.  

No one is flawless.  

These things are offered by the least of these, to the least of these… and it is a gift from God.

The conflicts we survive: they strengthen our relationships.  

The pain we endure: can inspire others to persevere.  

The tears we cry: make us vulnerable to others so we can let them in… to see we are all human.  

I hate when a friend is hurting.  

I hate that we cannot escape the drama of real life, the baggage we carry with us, or the weakness of the human condition.  

But I’m learning that the people God has placed in our lives - very few of them are people we seek out.  Very few of them are friendships we chose.  

Those relationships choose us.  

And unless I have a clearly abusive relationship, I don’t have to EXPLAIN these friendships or acquaintances to anyone.  They are real.  They are the accumulation of friendly greetings at church or common interests found in small talk.  They are the collection of eyes meeting, of school aged children, of waiting for practice to end.  They are the sum of familiar stories, funny jokes, and common humor.  And they are ready and waiting when they need to be a comfortable place to land, a knowing groan, or a sympathetic ear.  

I’m going to stop trying to define and breakdown the relationships I have with people.  The usefulness of this is limited and confined to my narrow, faulty concept of the universe.  

Instead I’m going to recognize the immeasurable wealth that comes from my friendships.  

Lifetime or recent.  

Work related or family.  

Mature or uncultivated.

 

They serve a purpose.  My life is enriched.  

For this I praise God.

The List

I'm in big trouble.

I was reading my "About 2010" blog post to Brad, and I get done and after an appropriate pause he says, "I didn't even make the list."

Didn't make the list?! What? You ARE the list! I'm not going to put I'm thankful for my husband - when I've said all these other things. I have this whole deal about you at the beginning and #5 is ALL YOU and how you are such a great builder!!

Then he picks up the framed newspaper headline that I got him for Christmas and points at the headline: WAGNER CLAIMS DEMO DERBY TITLE.

Whoops.

:)

Yes, you're right. I did forget that.

How could I? What a fun night. Brad has been building demo cars for.. well, almost since I met him. He tried to quit when we moved. He really made an effort. Looked around for other hobbies (we both feel hobbies are important for us to have), spent money on them, did research, tried them out - it just didn't work. He loves it.

So I quit trying to get him to leave it.

I like seeing him happy.

Which is why it really was SO exciting when he won. I went crazy, all 8 months pregnant of me, screaming and practically crying when it was all over. Oh my goodness, it was a redneck moment. :) And it was a good one.

So, I'm resolving this situation with a full post to recognize this very exciting highlight of our year. Brad spends way less than many of the guys he competes with, works side jobs to pay for the expenses he does have, and builds smart. It's fun to see him get excited about it and find new solutions. All that problem solving is good for his brain too. His win was very cool and kindof a big deal for him. I can appreciate that.

2010 was good.