December Pains and Prayers

So much heartache right now in the lives of people I know.

I wonder why I’m so lucky to have 3 perfectly healthy children.
Why I’ve been spared the loss so many mother’s face?
How I’m supposed to go to sleep after too many pieces of sadness today?

It’s late.
I can hear the cold rain softly hitting the windows as I walk through the kitchen.
It’s 10 days till Christmas.

As I enter the living room it looks different than when I left it 5 minutes ago. Instead of the piles of laundry and toys.. the books and papers on the end table.. a stack of movies near the tv stand….. My eyes start elsewhere. Instead of the messes and the disdain with which I left this room a short while ago, my eyes fix on the tree. The lights are bright and the ornaments personal. Each one a gift or a memento. My kiddos put them on last weekend and under the guidance and direction of oldest, they look pretty good. A few branches bundled with multiple ornaments remind me that a 4 year old was involved. I smile.

It’s perfect.

Now as I look around the room, the mess is a minor detail. I’m drawn to sit down and breathe in the peace and comfort of my home as we inch closer and closer to the height of the holiday season.
As of this moment, my girls will be giddy to dress up in their new holiday attire. They will be planning hair-do’s and making Christmas cards.
As of this moment, a birthday party is planned in the coming days for our Christmas baby. Now almost 11 and beautiful in every way, she’s constantly teaching me something new about life.
As of this moment, I can know with confidence that my 7 year old’s personality will liven-up every room she enters this season. Her humor and wit will become this year’s holiday folklore, just like every other year.
As of this moment, my baby boy is growing again. His face is changing and he’s snooping around the Christmas gifts and pushing his sisters to the edge of themselves. And he has me wrapped around his finger, as I desperately hold on to the little bit of little left in him.

The rain stops for now. I wonder if we’ll have snow for Christmas day. I remember looking out the window and seeing the snow coming down gently after Sophie was finally delivered and the room was calm.

All of this could change at any moment. None of it is guaranteed for my Christmas season. No matter how lovely or logical or how much it feels like it’s meant to be - there is no such thing as a sure thing.

That’s not the kind of world we live in.

My heater kicks on and I thank God, again, for a furnace and a warm house. There are so many people to pray for and I hadn’t even gotten to the cold and hungry in my prayers today.

I can’t keep up.

I know this is depressing, but it’s me taking note of the fact that plenty of people are struggling to embrace the Christmas joy that comes so easily to some of us. I’m looking around and I know people who are dreading Christmas morning. I can’t help but think of my mom 30 years ago when one week before Christmas, her dad was killed in a tragic accident.

How does one survive a Christmas like that?

And I know that Christmas was hell.
And I know theirs isn't the only tragedy this time of year.
And I know I need to just sit here in my messy living room next to my Christmas tree and say as many prayers as I can for the hurting hearts.
And I ask God to hold me tightly as we stumble through the next few weeks. 

Not being thankful enough. Not being mindful enough. Not fully understanding the gifts we will receive. 

Not staying focused on the one sure thing: Christ. 

I will try to breathe deep.

The rain blows against my window as the wind picks up.

I bow my head and pray for the tearful.

The Dirty Truth About Garbage: Be Honest

As my friend Heidi says, I am the “country mouse” and she is the “city mouse.” We love identifying the differences and then sharing them with each other via a photo or dramatic status update. “Driving past the Mall of America 2 miles away from my house!” she announces. (Don’t worry: her husband was driving.)

Mall of America? I'll just take a Super-Target! 

Meanwhile, the nearest IKEA from me is 2 hours away.

I usually brag about the solidarity out here. Complaining about how we are a thousand miles away from everything is part of the culture. 

But I can't imagine being anywhere else. 

It’s fun to compare the differences occassionally and recently I was thinking about some not-so-obvious ones.

For one, well-water is very different than the water that comes out of your tap in town. When I was little we just drank it, but now most people have some kind of filter system for it. Yes the water is free. But you might not want to drink it straight out of the hose.

Another thing people often overlook when they think of how fun it would be to live in the country:
   Snow Removal.
First of all, if you are WAY out here..

..you can plan on your road being about the last one to see a plow. And after they finally go by, how are you going to get out of your driveway? Most of us have long lanes that lead back to the garage. Nothing you want to tackle with just a snow-shovel if you can help it. You need a snow-blower, a tractor, or a truck with a shovel on the front of it.

It's pretty, but I am NOT shoveling all that.

However, on the flip side, Fall is easy. I don’t know of anyone out here who rakes their leaves in the fall because the leaves will just blow into the field next to your yard. It’s great! (I really hate raking leaves.)

See those fields back there? You won’t even notice when the leaves go there. It’s great. By the way, that's about 30 feet from where my husband proposed to me. ♡ I love that spot.

The trash situation is really special too. It wasn’t until recently that companies started offering trash pick-up out here. Most of us grew up burning our trash and lots of people still do that. (There’s a burn pile out back for those occasions. Have to wait until it’s not too windy or rainy.)

Cleaning out the fridge is an extra-gross job. You can’t throw away the tupperware that's harboring the unknown: plastic doesn’t burn (FYI). So you either have to make arrangements for regular trash pick up for that kind of trash OR….. clean out each container, and then wash it for recycling. There is no recycling that comes to your door, so that gets piled up with the rest of the recycling in the basement or garage. And most of us don’t have garbage disposals, so where am I supposed to go with the science experiments that were growing in there?

If you’re really on top of it, you will have a compost pile going for food scraps and garbage.

Or you can share some of it with the livestock.

 Although they are pickier than you might think.

(You can put it straight into the trash can, but that gets stinky and messy pretty quick.) Either way, lots of us country people have a 'garbage container' of some sort. The garbage gets thrown into something like an gallon-sized ice cream bucket, old tupperware, or maybe a worn-out pan. Then when it’s full you have to CARRY IT OUT TO THE FIELD.
I know. It's as much of a hardship as it sounds. Especially when it’s 10 degrees outside. Or even a rainy 43, to be honest.

(I don't have any pictures of that.)

Some country-folk leave their garbage container out on the counter for daily filling, or on the back of the stove. Others keep it under the sink so it isn’t so public. I know those who have stored it in their oven, but let me tell you - if you forget it’s in there and start the oven preheating - PEWWWEEEEEE!! (Plus, if your container is plastic, the mess just got WAY bigger!!)

Today when I was carrying the garbage out, I was thinking about country-people and how we handle our garbage. It was decent outside, so I wasn’t complaining. I was actually enjoying my walk.

Ok, this picture might not be from today. 

But I WAS carrying garbage. And thinking about how there isn’t just one way to deal with our trash. But we all have garbage that we have to do something with. And that reminded me - Hey, we ALL have garbage we have to do something with!

Like, at one time or another we ALL have awkward conversations with people we are related to. Or a dumb fight with our spouse that we wish could just be erased. We all have someone we are sortof trying to avoid right now. Or a tendency to judge our peers - especially when we happen to be having a good day. Not one of us goes a day without messing up or falling down or complaining too much. There is always something. We all have garbage we collect.

And we have to figure out what to do with it.

Do not put it in the oven and then forget about it and then turn the oven on!! It will get SOOO smelly!!

Instead, let’s resolve to take the garbage out every day. Christ offers us daily renewal in prayer. It’s so therapeutic to take the garbage out, hand it to Christ, and walk away. Be honest with Him. He knows how your day went. You don’t even have to wait till the end of the day, even! You can dump it on Him right away when you see what has gone wrong.

“Lord I can’t believe I just said that to my friend. Please forgive me and work in my heart a way for me to ask her forgiveness too! Ugh.”

“Lord, why did I let this bill get past due?! Oh man I do NOT want to tell my husband about this. But I know it is your will that I do. UGH! PLEASE prepare my heart for this. Give me perseverance and focus so I follow through. And Lord - please let Him be in a good mood when He gets home.”

Yeah, sometimes things get lost in there. 

“Lord, I am so frustrated with my kids today. I feel so guilty about how I handled it, but I know it is not your will for us to be burdened with the guilt of our sins all day long and forever! Take this guilt away now, Lord, and create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me… So I can move forward and mother my children in a healthy zone for the next 3 ½ hours until bedtime gets here!”

Or until they crash. Whichever comes first. 

Whether you live in the country or the city or on a houseboat - we all have garbage. Be honest with God about your garbage and be ready for Him to be honest with you. The results might be a pleasant surprise.

How do you deal with the garbage that piles up everyday?

Is It Too Late To Ask for Help?

“Oh, Lord, I need some help,” I prayed as I flopped down in my chair. Consistently unfocused, my brain was struggling to find joy in the midst of 2 major temper tantrums from my 3 year old. When I asked the girls to clean up the entryway, they both called out “Not me!” and ran upstairs. I was too tired to argue. The dishes were piled up and the table needed cleaned off, but my instinct was to flee (to a nap).  

photo credit: maireads via photopin cc

I should have started off my day with a prayer.  

But I didn’t.

I should have turned to Scripture before turning to my to-do list.

But I didn’t.  

Overwhelmed with exhaustion and the day quickly rolling out ahead of me, I jumped into gear before warming up.

As I sat down in the chair midday, a measure of guilt rang through the midst of my cluttered mind:  

Oh, sure, NOW you turn to Him.  Just when you need some help.

Luckily this wasn't my first tango with Satan, so my spirit and the Holy Spirit were ready with a comeback:  

As a matter of fact, Christ is The Help for the Helpless.  

And I qualify as that, especially in this moment,

(but always)

so YES!  

I will turn to His mercy in my need.

Like the groaning Israelites, pleading for a rescue.

Like David, whose songs reveal a man who had nothing to depend on to save His life, other than His God.

As Asa seeking the aid of His God, the God of Judah, as he faced a million men.  

Zerah the Ethiopian came out against them with an army of a million men and 300 chariots, and came as far as Mareshah. And Asa went out to meet him, and they drew up their lines of battle in the Valley of Zephathah at Mareshah. And Asa cried to the Lord his God, “O Lord, there is none like you to help, between the mighty and the weak. Help us, O Lord our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this multitude. O Lord, you are our God; let not man prevail against you.” So the Lord defeated the Ethiopians before Asa and before Judah, and the Ethiopians fled. Asa and the people who were with him pursued them as far as Gerar, and the Ethiopians fell until none remained alive, for they were broken before the Lord and his army.

(2 Chronicles 14:9-13)

Whether I start out the day on my knees or in a blur;

Whether I show up with an army or one man;

Whether I’m the anointed king, or an unclean peasant;

I am helpless without the Great Helper.  

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.  When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the “sinners” and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

(Mark 2:17)

With these assurances, we can pray for help. We can pray for focus. We can be confident that our God, the Great Helper, hears us - the helpless - at all hours. It is to this faithful God, we pray.

He Gets It

Let’s be honest.  When we are happy and things are going good, we know God gets it.  

But when things are tough, when we feel abandoned and alone and desperate... tired, drained, or frustrated.. we can feel really disconnected from our Savior.  

photo credit: Pavel P. via photopin cc

Hebrews 12:3 jumped out at me the other day and drew me in.  

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 

(ESV)

“Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men…” (NIV)

Had opposition from the world lately?  Yep.  Jesus gets it. 

He was doubted publicly over and over again.  He had lots of followers, yes; but then there was an elite public who loved to hate him.  They taunted him, challenged him, and plotted against him.  Feel like the world is against you?  Jesus knows how it feels. 

He prayed for people in need.  He listened to their problems and their heavy hearts weighed on him.  He carried their burdens. Jesus knows how heavy burdens are. He understands how sad you are for your friends and family and how their valley is bringing you down. Feel free to complain to Him about it.  He gets it. 

His friends said one thing and did another.  They didn’t listen.  They didn’t understand.  They tried, like most sinners, but they failed.  Like all sinners.  
Feel like you’ve been abandoned by those who loved you?  Forsaken by those you love?  

Jesus knows. 

Remember your Jesus who endured torture.  Who had to experience indescribable pain and suffering.  He was sent to be tried for crimes he didn’t commit and condemned for lies he didn’t tell.  

He was misunderstood, gossiped about, and experienced overwhelming frustration.  

Can you relate?

Jesus knows how you feel. 

He pleaded with God to make things different.  He prayed for answers.  He got down on his knees and cried. 

Jesus knows. 

Take comfort in knowing today, that Jesus gets it.  He is that familiar friend who has been there.  
He is the one who lovingly takes you in his arms and says, “I know how hard it is.  Please don’t give up…”  
And you can stand there and cry with him and not say anything. 

Because Jesus knows.

I Do Not Love My Struggles!

photo credit: kevin dooley via photopin cc

I can honestly say, I do not love my struggles. 

In fact, when I’m struggling, “love” is not the word that comes to mind at all.  Frustrated, irritated, about-to-lose-it.. these are words that more accurately express how I feel.  

I struggle when my family is coming at me from all sides….!!!!  (Just thinking about this makes my blood pressure go up.)

I struggle when I don’t know what to say to my husband. 

I struggle as I flail-about trying to understand how to manage our money and failing over and over. 

I struggle when anxiety overtakes my day and I fight to stay focused on one thing long enough to complete it.

These are regular, boring, everyday problems that lots of people “struggle” with.  These are the little things, I suppose.  They aren’t even the heavy, nasty stuff like cancer diagnosis, or lost babies, or falling-apart marriages.  This list is really aggravating but it doesn’t even include the traumatic, abusive childhood someone desperately wants to put behind them or the addiction that follows the addict.  

I do not love struggles. 

I hate them. 

When Hearts at Home said that this month’s blog hop would be about Love Your Struggles, the first thing I thought of was that I don’t. 

Despite this, right away I saw where HAH was coming from with this painful suggestion.  I’m not going to speak for you.  I can’t say how awful and useless your struggle might be.  But I will speak for myself.  And it turns out, that there are a couple of things I have gained at the end of a fight.  

I found out I can survive way more than I realized.  I lived through that struggle and even though at the time my heart was being torn in two, I’m amazed to say that healing happened.  Something sewed it back together and I don’t really understand nor can I explain it.  But it happened.  And now I know what healing looks like.

A few more things make sense now.  The way people act.  The baggage they carry.  The perspective I just couldn’t wrap my brain around.  Some of those circumstances are accessible to me now.  And that knowledge makes it easier to love others, who were harder to love before. 

Now I know what prayer does.  Never before had I felt wrapped up in the prayers of others, like that.  I had never leaned so heavily, when I simply could not pray for myself.  It wasn’t until that struggle that I experienced a love and power that moved me to do what I had to do.  And I knew prayer was the mechanism for what seemed impossible at the time. 

If I hadn’t struggled that way, I wouldn’t know my God so intimately.  It’s like with a good friend.  When you have been in the trenches together - dealt with something heavy and significant and threatening - you come out with a powerful connection.  When we are backed into a corner with no one to seek out but our God - we find out more about Him than we do sitting in our cozy chair wearing fuzzy slippers.  God was there with me.  He didn’t give up on me.  He didn’t abandon me.  He filled me up with His strength and His wisdom so I could say what needed to be said, and do what needed to be done. 

Jacob is halfway through his life when he meets God and wrestles with him.  Jacob wrestles with God and won’t give up, trying so hard to hold his own. (Genesis 32)  In the end, God blesses Jacob.  Jacob is rewarded for his struggle.  Does he limp out of the fight?  Yes.  He is injured and his gait is the proof of this.  Did he win?  Depends on your definition.  Does he better understand himself and his God?  No doubt.  

I hate my struggles.  But I love the person who comes out the other side.  I can’t help but cherish the wounds and the scars that prove my existence and my survival.  I can’t stand that there has to be a fight; but I treasure the new perspective, the mountains God has moved within me, and the opportunity to comfort others who might struggle as I have. 

I’m not asking you to love your struggles in this moment.  But I will pray that at some point you can find some use in the wisdom you’re gaining in the midst of the fight.  For now, if you are struggling, persevere with the knowledge that you are not alone.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Have you found something useful after the dust settles on chaos? Sharing your struggle can be useful to those still in the midst of the battle.

Building a Family

Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. Proverbs 24:3,4

photo credit: Nick Kenrick ..gone to Cuba , back soon via

A home is built with wisdom that keeps it from falling down.
It is established by understanding that a home is built with the help of God, not on our own understanding, plans or ideas.

The foundation has to be Christ and the wisdom to trust Him in all times of doubting and fear. It has to be built on trust, faith, and grace.
A home is built and stays standing because God is there holding up the pieces.

Even when you look over at your spouse and feel mostly confusion and frustration. The days when his life approach just doesn’t seem to be lining up with yours, the days when you don’t see eye to eye.

God keeps it standing.

Even when anger and bitterness enter into your heart. When you’ve been hurt and feel alone. Or when you’ve done the hurting, and you don’t know how to get back those words you never wanted to say aloud.

God holds it together.

Even when the day is long, the family is tired, and the demands seem never to end.

God can show you joy even in the darkest hours – with a laughing baby or a child’s arms wrapped tight around your neck. Or a quiet “i love you” or the squeeze of a hand.

A home is built with faith that God can fix all our wrongs, fill in all our cracks, and repair the age that starts to show.

As time goes on, the aging adds more than cracks and disrepair. It brings a house character and memories. It reminds us of the joy shared and the dreams dreamed... together. And when a house has stood strong
- established by understanding that God is in control and His nails hold it together -
it grows grander and increases in value.

When I have walked thru the rooms of my grandmothers' homes, I am surrounded by knowledge and rich compassion.  None of them have been wealthy or have had a fancy address. Many of their furnishings have been dated. But despite a life fraught with disappointment, loss, and painful truth - there exists also a history of faith and understanding that can only be learned as a home - as a family - is built.

Knowledge fills the rooms with riches – memories, forgiveness, and love. As we grow together, the rooms of my house are filled with the knowledge of our purpose here – the calling we have to build a family and encourage and pray for our children and to teach love and grace and the mercy of Christ. Knowledge fills my rooms and it fills my soul. And I have a lot more to learn – that will never change.

But I pray that God will continue to give me
wisdom, despite my stubbornness;

understanding, despite my rush; 

and knowledge, despite my pride.

And I know He will. Because I’m asking Him to.


(This post, along with others, will be compiled under the Family Building tab at the top of the site.  Check out the tabs periodically for new takes on these vital topics.)  

Free Printable for One-on-One Jesus Time!

Trying something new!

A daily devotional printable  - explained in today's post, More Than One Way to Do Jesus Time.

I hope it can inspire you!!

Here is what it looks like.

Not sure why the letter "i" isn't showing up in this picture.  It's fine in the pdf!  Promise! ;)

Just click on THIS LINK and print!

I'd love to hear if you use this, what you think - or changes you make to personalize it for YOU!  Come back and tell me!

More Than One Way to Do Jesus-Time

I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions.  It’s just one more way for me to set myself up to feel like a failure.  (I have a following-through problem.)  But it happened to be around the first of the year, that I was looking for a daily devotional that was basically Bible readings.  I found one that I like and I’ve been reading it and feeling good about how it’s going. So far I'm following through.  

Yesterday Mom said, “Don’t feel guilty about that.  You have enough things to feel guilty about.”
She wasn’t talking about New Year’s Resolutions, but she might as well have been.  Such good advice.  Push aside the guilt and just do what you need to do.  

Let’s take that attitude and approach a topic that inspires lots of guilt -
quiet time with your Maker.
Ugh. The phrase quiet time makes me want to curl into a little ball and give up as soon as I hear it.  I hope you have carved out “quiet time” for yourself, but in my world it has always been a challenge.  

First of all, rarely is anything around here quiet.  
Second, it brings up visions of a quiet woman who gets up at 5:30 in the morning, in her perfectly clean house, with her perfectly clean heart, and sits down with the Lord.  
I like that last part, but the rest of it is something that I just CANNOT relate to.  I am NOT a morning person.  My house is rarely perfect.  And my quiet time is rarely quiet.  

Over and over again, I have struggled with what my daily time with God is supposed to look like, and most of the time I feel like I’m botching it. 

However, over the past 5 years I’ve learned that there really is more than one way to do things.  Not only have I learned this, I’ve embraced it and I celebrate it.  This is a great truth for me because... 

1) ...changing things up is fun for me.   Growing up I was rearranging my room every 6 months.  Today the wallpaper on my phone is rarely the same for more than 30 days.  I like to do something different in my house when the seasons change.  I like a good routine, and I have my comfort foods, but a fresh view makes me happy. 

2) ...new ideas pull me in.  A new book comes out about marriage - I want to read it.  I’m always perusing the web for new blogs and authors.  The latest technology, a new approach to organizing, a social media trend - I’m curious.  I might not embrace it, but I’m checking it out.

3) …I’m an extrovert.  If you’ve had a conversation with an extrovert recently, you may have noticed that the conversation wants to jump around a lot.  This is how we are and I’m not going to apologize for it.  Well, maybe sometimes, because it really is frustrating for my husband (just to name one person).  But we like to jump from one thing to another.  Turns out that's the way my brain is wired.  It’s ok. 

So every 6 months when I want to a new approach to daily devotional time, I’m not surprised anymore.  I’m fine with it.  That book I got? - not going anywhere!  Will still be here when I need something new in 6 months.  The gratitude journal I started? - still very useful next year when I’m not as crabby as I am today.  Yes, I know, this is related to that thing I said at the beginning about how I’m not good at following through.  But seriously, pick your battles.  If this month I have a fresh approach to spending time with Jesus, it’s ok.  He’s fine with it.  It’s way better than giving up completely. 

So here’s what I’m doing these days.  And I like it.  

I’m reading the NIV Once A Day Bible.  It’s set up to read some Old Testament, some New Testament, and a selection from Psalms or Proverbs each day. 
[Confession: Sometimes it takes 2 days to get thru one day’s worth.  Guess what? That’s ok.] 

After I read (and sometimes it’s hours later depending on how interrupted I’ve been by all the people I love in my life), I do prayer.  Grant-it, I’m praying informally to God much more than this thru the day.  But the thing that was really missing in my last ritual, was formal prayer time.  I’ve decided FOR ME what works well, is written prayer.  Especially writing out the parts that I am too lax about - namely confession and adoration.  This formal prayer time is hard for me to get into the habit of (and the problem is laziness, no-question), but here’s what I’m working to do DAILY. 

In a notebook I’ve deemed the Prayer Journal,  

I’ve written out this little outline.

So first off, I want to be sure and recognize that Holy Scripture is the place where God DEFINITELY meets us (this is a great daily reminder).  Then from there, I make 4 stops.  

Here’s a little more explanation:

a) Thank you for showing me...
This is called Adoration.  Right away I want to identify something about God that has been revealed to us in scripture.  Something like ‘God is FAITHFUL when we aren’t,’ or ‘the Pharisees and I have way too much in common.’  A fact that came out of the Scripture I read that day. 

b) I praise you for...
Keeping the focus on HIM, b) is where I celebrate some answered prayers or surprising gifts.

Examples:

Thank you God, none of our children climbed into our bed in the middle of the night! 

or

I praise you that my friend had her last radiation today! Thank you God! You are good!!  

c) Please Lord forgive me... 
Confession time.  I try to be specific. Sometimes I’m like a deer in the headlights.  In this case, it’s good to think about the jobs God has called me to and then consider how I’m doing (jobs like Parent, Wife, Friend, etc.).  Another way to recognize what we need to confess about, is to meditate on the Ten Commandments for about 2 minutes; shouldn’t take much longer than that to stumble onto some sin.  

[Note to self: Luther says, “Don’t torture yourself.”] 

CONFESSION and recognizing forgiveness, i.e. God's MERCY, are both super important.    

d) Please, Lord, hear my cry...
Coming to God with all my burdens and petitions.  I like starting it out “Please Lord hear my cry,” because King David is a great example of how to come before God the Father and plead for help, and that’s the kind of thing he says.   

If you don’t want to write these things down, that’s probably fine.  Since writing helps me process things, that what I do.  On the other hand, I’ve been told that writing them down is neat because then you can go back and see what God is doing in your life and that’s useful.  Either way, the vital thing is that we meet God in prayer daily - somehow, somewhere.  

If you have to come up with a fresh approach to that every few months, that’s ok.  There is more than one way to do things.  

What’s your one-on-one time with Jesus like?

About Fear

Here is me walking along with my plans and my intentions and I want everything to be neat and tidy. 

I've got my lists and my calendars and it makes me feel better. 

Especially as I enter into a new school year. Or new circumstances. Or a new season...of life.

photo credit: dlemieux via photopin cc

Well, that's what I want to do. The reality is, when I'm really struggling with fear I can barely get to work on time, let alone plan out my day. I walk around my life seeing things that need to be done, but feeling bound and gagged. I start desperately looking around for something I can do to fix this - a plan, an answer key, a flow chart. A list, a system, a fix.

But nothing lands. 
I grab for them and they crumble in my hands. I'm still lost. I can't lean on my lists or my plans, for security. The rug has been pulled from beneath me. Now I'm even more afraid.  I'm still falling thru mid air with no safety net to catch me. 
I can't stomach the ride.

What can I do?

"You aren't helpless," he said to me. "You have the help of the helpless."

I don't think it's going to be a magical moment where all the sudden I’m not afraid anymore. 
It will be hard work to cling to God’s promises. 

It will be gradual.

It’s going to require moment-by-moment responses to his promises.  It’s going to mean feeling uncomfortable and having to settle into this new reality.  
My new normal: not being in control.

Clinging to God’s promises in the midst of fear is all I have left.  And it is serving me well.  There have been a few specific Bible verses that I desperately hold onto in fearful moments.  

I re-read them over and over.  

I repeat them in breathless moments when I’m frantic for peace.  

Sometimes I cry them out.  Sometimes I just stare at them and ask God to wrap them around my heart.  

I want to encourage you to cling to God's promises in the midst of your fear.  Here are some Bible verses serving me well. 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perpelexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-9,16

Do you have a go to verse or prayer in the midst of fear?Have you felt the desperation of losing control of your circumstances?  Do tell!  Sharing could mean encouragement for someone else struggling with this today.