Why Moms Struggle to Prioritize and A Flowchart w/ All the Answers

Staying home with kids and managing a family is such a unique job. It requires 10,000 skills (half of which you don’t know you possess), does not include a salary, and can be strangely rewarding despite the fact to-do lists often go unchecked and chaos frequently ensues. Your ‘co-workers’ are the most important thing to you on the face of the earth, but you find yourself daydreaming about ways to escape them - just for a little while.

Getting things done and prioritizing is so nearly impossible some days. SAHM’s know efficiency is supposed to be the name of the game, but it’s a struggle. Plus there is debate over what the “name of the game” is. Are we here to keep house or raise our kids? Crying toddlers and whiny preschoolers make it really difficult to do any of the above. And I HATE starting a project knowing that at any moment I’ll probably be interrupted by one childhood drama or another.  

Ugh.  Makes me want to just turn around and go somewhere else.

In addition to these conundrums, I’m also regularly wondering if I should be working (part-time) more or less than I already am. Probably I’m NOT the only one out there also looking at a budget wondering how we can live with less or pay for more. One of my girlfriends tells me that about every 4 months I have a meltdown about getting a job and feeling guilty that I’m not bringing in more/any income. (After she told me that it helped me calm-the-freak-down and now whenever this happens I remind myself that it’s just a little glitch in my crazy and it will pass.) 

This summer I took a few weeks off from my farm job, and I got to be home full-time. I loved it. (It’s not the same as it was when my kids were 8,4, and 1!) Regardless of the age of the kiddos, it is still a challenge to prioritize. Prioritizing might be at the core of every SAHM's daily struggle. We call it “balancing,” we make binders to help us stay on track, we follow A Slob Comes Clean for help cleaning and prioritizing, we schedule and schedule and say things like, “well, if I was at a ‘workplace,’ then…”

But of course we are not at a traditional job. Our kids require a great deal of attention. That’s why we’re here with them after all! And there’s an awful lot of debris left behind whenever they settle into a room for more than 90 seconds. 

All of this is SAHM reality. It’s a crazy job unlike anything I have done before. 

One day I was looking for a different perspective on getting things done around here. I started making my lists and I found myself going about it a little backwards. I jotted some things down that I want out of my SAHM days. My list looked something like this:

• To eat healthy. 
• To work efficiently. 
• To get up and get going in the mornings - this means my kids too. Self-sufficiency is a bonus. 
• To feel dignified as we go about our business here. 

For our family, me being at home means we need to cut the convenience foods out, because they cost too much. It means at some point during the day I have to get some writing done. I have presentations I need to prepare and communication that needs to happen. Another thing I prioritize is having the house halfway decent and a dinner plan so that when The Builder comes home, he feels like things are taken care of and he doesn’t have to stress. (Does this always happen? No of course not! But it’s a goal and I figure three or four days out of the week is better than zero. If you want help with this, A Slob Comes Clean does have a set of books on sale thru today that look great!)  


So it occurs to me that in order to eat healthy, my kitchen needs to be clean. What happens around here is it gets to be lunch time and the kitchen isn’t clean (at all). So then I want to clean it before I make food. But my kids are already starving and so they start snacking or passing out or whatever because they don’t want to wait for me.

That means, 1. To eat healthy, my kitchen needs to be clean.

If I’m going to get any work done, I have to use the office. I love writing in my bedroom, but my back kills me after sitting on my bed at my computer for more than 20 minutes. The kitchen table is fine, but there are LOTS of distractions in there. For goodness sakes, I HAVE an office! Ok, but that means the desk has to be cleaned off at least some, so I have a decent space to work in. Which means I have to have places for all the books and papers that come through there. Which means I need a system. (Oh man, the cycle never ends.) 
hmmm
Well, luckily I spent a solid day on my office not long ago and did put some systems into place. So it doesn’t take too long now to get the desk at least halfway cleaned off and the books and piles to where they go.

2. To get some writing/speaking done, my office needs to be in decent shape.

Next thing. Mornings are rough around here. I’m not a morning person and neither is child #2. One thing I notice that slows us down even more is when all the clothes are in laundry baskets and not in our drawers. UGH, I know. But at the very least it’s helpful if they are folded. My girls are old enough now if we get to sorted&folded clothes they are responsible for putting them away. I’m terrible at all this, so don’t get worked up if you are too. I’m just noticing if we have clothes in our drawers instead of piles, it helps the morning go smoother.

Goal #3: To have a better morning, laundry has to be put away more often.

Last one. As we are going about our business in this house, I’ve noticed something that makes me feel gross. This varies for all of us, but for me it’s nasty toilets and sinks. I want to feel dignified as I work in my home and take care of my kids. A messy kitchen and piles of laundry don’t help, but the icing on the cake for me is toilets screaming for attention. GROSS.

Goal #4: To feel like a respectable person, I need to clean the toilets regularly. 

I’m sure some of you who have been to my house are thinking, well you didn’t clean them for me. And you are right, and I’m sorry. I didn’t say these things will be done or else I’m not going to bed at night or leaving the house when it’s time to go unless they are done. I’m just saying it would be nice. We all know I’m not OCD. However, I think it’s fair to say, clearly I AM analytical. Which means I like to have reasons for doing things. I need to have clear-cut motivation. So I’m excited about my new list.

If a list like this doesn’t help you. Maybe a flowchart will. Sometimes SAHM days are so chaotic, I just want someone to tell me what to do. Flowcharts can do that. Messy kitchens are no fun, but flowcharts are awesome.

I'm sure this can help you. 

No matter what choices and decisions you have to make today, I pray that at the end of the day you know you are not alone in this. Know that you are in good company with thousands of other moms who are trying to figure out what their day should look like too. And guess what? You get another chance tomorrow.

Godspeed, Mama.

What Is Home Building?

When our house fell down - YES OUR HOUSE FELL DOWN! - I started a blog called Home Building.  Building the house was a big part of our lives at the time and I wanted to bring others on the journey.  But really even bigger than the house that was being built, was the process of me learning to be an intentional mom who was building a home for her family.  

Around that time, I was resisting domestication - a girl raised up in the 80's surrounded by strong women who were bound and determined to inspire big dreams.  The women in my family knew that their girls had something to offer the world, and they were proud of the voice that women were finding.  

My family is amazing and I love the legacy of passionate pursuit they inspired in us.  But between that and the influence of the rest of the world, I was quite sure that I was supposed to be doing EVERYTHING and that I was FAILING miserably.  When I finally decided staying-at-home for my kiddos during this season of life made more sense than torturing all of us, the results were part relief and part shame.  

Home Building (the blog) became a parallel process whereby I would find a way to accept this new "career," not lose my mind, and maybe even find community in the process. All those things happened and now I truly know the meaning of Home Building. Am I finished? No way. Have I made progress? Oh yes. [And btw, Progress, not Perfection, is the name of the game around here. Or at least I strive for it to be.] 

Home building is something that most of us want to do. We want to build a home with our spouse and/or kids or extended family.  A home that exudes comfort and safety and love. I'm not talking about fabulous plush pillows and the perfect paint color. I'm talking about forgiveness and listening and not being as selfish as I'm prone to be. (Yes, this is mostly about me and you're along for the ride.) 

Actually, as it turns out, it's mostly about God. Come to find out, my job as a home builder - a.k.a wife, mom, family member - is really all about Him and what He is doing in me, and how He can make miracles happen. Like when my 7 year old refuses to do her homework for over 2 hours and I DON'T strangle anyone. (I know. It was an all-around delight.) You KNOW it's a miracle that the __of you can live in this house in relative peace, so don't pretend like it's not.  

Home Building means building up your

• spouse
• kids
• intimacy with Christ
• home to be one of safety and security for those who live there
• kids' faith foundation
• wisdom
• confidence
• peers

I'm not here to give you a list of things to do.  Turns out these are things most of us already have on our lists, and they can be done while we are already interacting with these people.  I want Home Building to be a place where we can find encouragement and perspective as we try, fail, and try again.  

You'll find lots of grace and scripture here.  You'll find authenticity.  You'll find out that God uses imperfect women to build homes that nurture faith and love and forgiveness.  Thanks for joining us.  Tell your friends and lets encourage each other to build our homes on forgiveness and love, wisdom and understanding. 

"By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established." 

Proverbs 24:3

Being A Mom Means Constant Interruption

WHY CAN'T I GET ANYTHING DONE AROUND HERE?!?!

(deep breathing) Ok, I'm better.  As a mom at home with kids - whether it's all-day-long or in the hours after work and school - our time is not our own.

Feel like you're sacrificing a lot for your kids? You probably are, and this is a big one.

The other day I had sick kiddos (that's plural). We tend to be pretty healthy, so don't worry about us. But this is a great example of how my time certainly did not belong to me. My husband was out pushing snow, so it was just me and three darlings. 

Oh, I could have start on a project if I'd wanted to. I could have sat down to read or do some writing - if I dared. But I had to be ready - physically and mentally - for constant interruption. 

Didn't get enough sleep since you were up with the three-year-old most of the night?  Don’t get excited about catching up, because now he's calling every five minutes with desperate requests like 

• "Put my cup on the table, Mommy!"

• "Can you get me a cracker?!"

• "FIX MY SOCK!"  

There was crying and sadness and gnashing of teeth. No nap-taking by anyone over the age of 10.

Of course that was a sick-day and not all days are quite that painful.  But even on regular days, moms (and dads) are asked to sacrifice all waking hours for the good of the children. 

Uniforms clean?  Lunches made?  Mom, I need help with this homework assignment.  Mom, I don’t like my teacher.  Mom, I think I should start a blog. 

Some requests take lots of time.  Others take more.  

Trying to keep it all straight in my head - the little things, the big things, the things I wanted to do - it’s no wonder I often walk into a room and forget why I am there...

Know that this is the case for ALL moms.  You might argue that you know some moms-of-small-children who really have it together.  She doesn’t seem at all forgetful.  She appears to be disgustingly productive.  She clearly has all her ducks in a row.

I would argue, any day of the week, that if you took a magnifying glass to this woman’s life, you would find some messes that you didn’t expect.  You would discover the gives and takes that she implements.  You would realize, there is more than first meets the eye.  

Know that comparisons are so dangerous.  It’s much better to engage and inquire.  There ARE some tricks and tips of the trade (see below).  But there are also families with different needs, different priorities, and different expectations than you and your family.  The bottom line is that those of us with small kiddos ALL struggle with time issues, some days more than others.  

No comparisons.  No beating yourself up.  Recognize the ministry of interruptions for what it is.  Embrace reality.

Know that we CAN learn from each other.  Here are a few recent offerings from other moms in the trenches, fighting the same battle you and I face daily.  

• Learned this one when I was in direct sales - here it is from AmyLynnAndrews

• This is a great post from Brand Meets Blog that says some things that really need to be said about this topic.  I especially love the Pomodoro Technique and I’m going to be looking further into that.

• Toddlers and Productivity is an interesting post.  I like the way she approaches this, and her suggestion that sometimes we need outside help with our kiddos for a few hours per day (or week), is relevant.  Even if we want to pretend it’s not. 

• Lastly, here’s just a funny, honest account of an afternoon gone awry shared from Project Underblog.  (a site I just discovered and will be revisiting for sure!)

Know that you WILL have lucky days when you too are productive.

But above all know that the job of being a mom - the ministry of interruptions - is the most productive of any project you will ever tackle.

How do you get anything done?  Or have you given up until your children move out?  I can use all the tips I can get. Please share!

When Our Feelings Are Hard to Live With: Angie's Story

Today is Hearts at Home's monthly blog hop. If you'd like to know about Hearts at Home (it's a great organization with a life-changing yearly conference), go here.

Take part in today's blog hop by checking out the other blogs involved! Today's theme is Love Your Feelings. This is a reflection of the 2014 conference theme Love Your Life. Moms, you have one more day to sign up to get the discounted registration price. If you've never been before, I highly recommend it. You can read more about why I love Hearts if you click here.

Love your feelings?

Ugh.  So often I don’t.  

But I feel like due to today’s Hearts at Home Blog theme, I have to tell you about a time when I listened to my feelings.  I respected my feelings.  And eventually I came to love the whole mess of it. 

I was pregnant with our second.  Less than 6 months along, when I started feeling a certain way. 

Panic.  Desperate.  Anxious.  Laying awake wondering.  

How was I going to do this?  

How was I going to maintain my full-time job and also have 2 little ones at home?  

How was I going to keep it all going?  I was barely doing it with just one. 

I knew it was possible.  Lots of women were doing it.  My friends.  My co-workers.  Women I respected.  How did it work for them?  It was not working for me. 

But there was no way I could quit my job.  I had to keep working.  There was no way we could afford the house with only one paycheck.  Brad had only been self-employed now for a couple years and we were still a little nervous about steady work (even though he had stayed busy so far).  What was I thinking?  This was just crazy. 

But one day when we were driving somewhere - it’s always easier to have these difficult conversations in the car, right? - I just broke down.  I fell apart.  Sobbing I said to him, “I can’t do this.  I can’t go back to work after this baby is born.”

I’ll never forget that moment.  It was so clear to me that something had to change.  I didn’t know how it would possibly work.  I had no idea how we could make this happen.  But I had to be honest about the way I felt.  

My husband was sympathetic, but probably mostly because I was super-hormonal-pregnant-lady.  He really thought I was nuts.  He had no idea how this could possibly be a realistic conversation.  But clearly we were having it anyway. 

I started looking into taking a leave of absence at work.  I started searching for options.  We bounced ideas off each other.  

Then one day he called on his way home and was telling me about Grandma and Grandpa moving to the nursing home.  And what would become of their house?   Their kids didn’t really want to sell it right now.  Would it just sit empty?

Without thinking, I joked we should move into it.  He was working nearby there so often.  We could just move home.  

There was a pause on the other end of the phone.  And then he said thoughtfully, “Yeah…..?  Hmmm, that could work.”

I was floored.  He had always been so committed to the house we were in.  It was our dream home.  A big four-square fixer-upper in the country.  What we’d always wanted.  We loved it.  But now he was opening up to the idea of moving… so I could stay home with our kids?  It was the craziest thing I’d ever heard.  And it felt like a miracle. 

As plans started to unfold, the picture got clearer.  My feelings were being heard.  I had the clarity I had been praying for.  

Clare Elizabeth was born in May.  While I was delivering, the couple interested in our house called again.  They wanted to come back for a second visit.  

We sold for a profit in July of 2007.  3 months before the housing market crashed.  Before the economy fell apart.  Before things got scary.  We used the money to pay off our debts.  And we moved into a tiny house way too close to family.  (That’s another story.)  

Now, there are some more great elements to the story that follows.  But I don’t want to mislead you.  It wasn’t ideal really.  The house was super little.  The transition was brutal.  The rest of the story is actually crazy and it has been a roller-coaster ride.  Much of it has been recorded on the pages of this blog.  But those feelings that I listened to - they ended up giving me a clarity I had never had.  They were there for a reason.  God was constructing a path for me to do something I had never thought was possible.  It was opening up in front of me, and responding to it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  Rarely does a day pass when I don’t think of the emotions that led me to become a more available mom to my kiddos.  

That day - those months - I did NOT love my feelings.  I loathed them.  They haunted me.  I fought with them.  They persisted.  I stared blankly at the ceiling wondering if there was any escaping the feelings that gripped my heart… or the tough decisions that would have to be made. 

But now when I look back?  I love those feelings.  I love that they stalked me day and night and wouldn’t be ignored.  I love that God placed them on my heart and gave me sound wisdom from wise women I cried to.  I am thankful for the feelings that changed my life.  For the whirlwind of emotions that birthed clarity when the clouds parted and the wind died down.  These days, I love the whole mess of it.  

Why does loving our feelings always seem to be messy business that isn’t that fun and requires admitting hard things or change?!  If you know the answer, please share!

At Home with Kids - What Does 10 Minutes Look Like?

Hey, Moms and Dads of kids at home!  Feel like time escapes and you have no idea where it went?  Struggling to stay focused on one task until completion?  Yeah, I hear ya.  

photo credit: Lynda Giddens via photopin cc

Today I was feeling that way when I happened to set the timer for 10 minutes - as a reminder to check the laundry.  When the timer beeped 10 minutes later, I was appalled.  THAT had been 10 minutes?  No way.  But we had gotten nothing accomplished!  The three-year-old and I were supposed to be doing a puzzle.  Instead it was one interruption after another (especially from him; but his sisters were guilty too).  It was a frustrating realization, but it was also somewhat liberating.  I set the timer again, to see what another 10 minutes looked liked.  Very similar.  

Huh. 

I did this for almost an hour.  

Setting the timer made me feel better about myself.  

Typically I am beating myself up for how quickly time gets away from me when the kids are home.  I’m horrified at how unfocused I feel.  I’m at a loss when the morning is gone and I have little to show for it other than a few puzzles and the dishwasher running.  

Setting the timer gave me a sense of focus.  

I had said Eddie and I were going to do a puzzle together.  Setting the timer to see how long that actually took, gave me an opportunity to say, “Ok, we’ve been playing together for 30 minutes.  It’s time for Mommy to go do a few things around the house.”  I didn’t feel guilty that I was turning my attention to something else.  I knew how long we had to get the puzzle done.  And I also knew who the real unfocused one was here: the three-year-old.    

Setting the timer helped me understand.  

I highly recommend you try it.  Especially on those days you are feeling pulled and scattered.  Especially when you really have some things that need to get done.  10 minute intervals was very revealing for me.  Even those of us who have been doing this a while, need a reminder of the reality of life at home with kiddos.  10 minutes is not long when you have 3 humans who need to be parented.  Typically I’m setting the timer for them, but today it was for me.  It was the reality check I needed.  

Do you ever set the timer for yourself? Do you have suggestions for Moms who are feeling overwhelmed? Share your wisdom!

Attention Personality Type B

Is it just me, or do we tend to believe (unconsciously maybe) that things should and will just fall into place?  Not to say we don’t worry.  We worry.  But sometimes we hope that, despite our lack of planning or following thru etc, things will work themselves out.  And by “things” I especially mean laundry, dishes, and those papers I was suppose to sign and return to my child’s school.

Funny that I just expect things to work out.  Sounds ridiculous.  But I do!  

There are so many decisions that should be made more consciously than how I usually make them!  I walk around the house too often with my phone in my hand, a texting conversation or two in play, as I bathe the children and attempt to put clothes away.  It’s really not very efficient.

For those of us who tend to be less A and more B personality, being aware of some of the little details takes way more effort than I realized.  I’m a detail person, but I still don’t readily act on the little things that can have such a powerful impact on my big picture.  Things like

• drinking the daily recommended amount of water
• paying bills ON TIME, EVERY MONTH
• keeping the closet organized so my family can find what they are looking for.

Yes, clearly these are very useful, valuable, time-worthy pursuits.

That I just don’t prioritize.

Maybe it’s because I’m thinking more about

• the latest book I want to read
• a “great” idea I have for a blog post/devotion/book
• how I can convince my husband that we need another weekend away.

These are fun things and no one is going to tell me they aren’t useful or valuable.

But they don’t get the laundry done.

Which brings us to this moment.

My son is taking a bath.  He’s got a great imagination and could spend all day in here.  I brought the laundry and my spiral with me into the bathroom to keep an eye on him and still be productive.  

But the clothes still aren’t folded and his face is still dirty (despite all the splashing he’s done).  Glad I squeezed in some time to write and process.  I’m going to make a conscious decision to stop writing and start folding now.  

But I’m also going to make a conscious decision to appreciate my tendencies, even though my house is still a mess.  Surely something good will come of these habits eventually.  Even if it’s just that my kids appreciate a good book.  :)

For Dream-Seekers Like Me

Life is constantly about making choices. Sometimes those choices are easy. Sometimes they are really hard.

One bossy factor when it comes to making choices is that there are only 24 hours in a day. Somedays this seems to be the bane of my existence. Having to make a choice between 2 or more things because I just don’t have enough time, often feels like failure. If I don’t have enough time to mow the yard that doesn’t usually tear me up. But having to tell someone you don’t have room in the schedule can be torture.

Over 2 years ago I found myself looking for a way to earn some money while working at home. I had a tiny little boy and 2 older girls. Between doctors visits and school involvement and my husband’s company, we agreed that a job outside of the home was just not feasible. But direct sales seemed to be calling my name and my favorite company by far was The Pampered Chef.


photo credit: Bruce A Stockwell via photopin cc

I had NEVER wanted to be in sales. I didn’t want to be pushy, I hated the idea of talking people into something they can’t afford, and I was scared of the NO’s. But it turned out it wasn’t like that. I DID believe in the product and knew that it was a worthwhile investment for anyone who spends more than 5 minutes in the kitchen. I had a boatload of support from the company and my director. And I learned more than I ever expected about how to succeed - at anything.

During my 2 years of selling Pampered Chef products, I attended conferences, met inspiring women, and found a confidence in myself and my abilities I hadn’t felt for years. I learned time management skills, organizational strategies, and a lot about rejection. I toughened up, but at the same time I softened to the the very different kinds of life circumstances people find themselves in... that sometimes can lead to great accomplishments.

I’ve made a decision that I will no longer be selling Pampered Chef because my circumstances have changed. There is a new plan for my 24 hours these days and I think I’d be better off as a hostess than a consultant. (Lucky for my new consultant, I have also developed an addiction to these kitchen tools. ;) As I wrote the letter to my director explaining this latest difficult ‘choice,’ I was surprised by the swelling of emotions in my heart. Whenever we have meetings we talk about the great friendships that we’ve made in this business. And I always agree. But until the possibility of not seeing these people regularly is presented to me, I might not have realized quite the extent to which they were blessing my life. No matter what field of work you are in, the people always make the biggest difference. Today that truth fills the room I write in.

People’s experiences in direct sales vary widely. I know this has everything to do with the people they work with and the product they sell. But my experience has been incredible and I will always defend the possibilities and dream seekers that flourish within this arena.

Choices

Life is full of choices.

Who will you marry?  What job will you take?  How many kids will you have?

And sometimes life seems like it throws things at us and we had no choice.

I wanted more kids, but we couldn’t get pregnant.  I can’t find a job – there are none here close to home.  My house fell down and now it seems we have to build a new one. 

 :)

But really even at these moments, we make choices that are our decision.  We could have brought in a double-wide.  Would that have been a good choice considering my husband is a contractor and builds houses?  Probably not.  Would it have been a lot less money and less hassle?  More than likely.

It’s easy to see this with some things, not as easy with others.  Sometimes we go ahead and get pregnant, even when maybe it’s not the most ideal of circumstances.  Sometimes we don’t return the phone call an extra day, and now that job is unavailable.  Sometimes we are married to someone who just doesn’t have the same plan we do.  

Life isn't fair.  And life is not this cut and dry, really, either.  None of these decisions or situations are really as black and white as we might want to make them, or as we wish they could be.  Some of our children think that mommies have babies because they prayed to Jesus and asked him for one.  If only it was that simple.  Some of our husbands think that we are home all day and so the clothes should all be put away.  Again – not quite that simple. 

Either way, we have to admit the law of cause and effect is alive and well.  When our choices have led us to this moment, we have to work with it.  I want to be working at the new house.  In my mind, this “needs” to be done.  Thankfully I have a lot of family to turn to.  But I didn’t ask my mom or Aunt Kathy it was ok with them that I had a third kid or that we were going to build a house “on our own” (which really means with the help of those who love us).  I didn’t check with them first.  So if they can’t watch my kids, it’s not their fault.  The choices I have made have led here to this moment. 

It’s not that no one wants to help me.  It’s not personal.  It’s my problem.  I have to make choices because I have this set of responsibilities in my life right now.  I might not be able to go shopping with my friends or scrapbooking of an evening, because I’ve used up all my babysitters and I can’t afford to hire someone.  I might not be able to make my dr. appointments when I want or go get groceries when I want, because I don’t have help at those times.  I’m learning that the list of things that “need” to be done is a little different than I might like it to be.  

As we get closer to moving into our house, and running out of money :) , I find myself wondering how we are going to pay for all of the things I undoubtedly will “need.”  Closet shelving, curtains, fireplace mantle and surround, front porch finishing, lighting on the front of the garage.  Yes, these were originally part of the budget, but they have been pushed off the list as other things encroached and now I’m faced with some choices:  Can I have everyone over to my house with an unfinished fireplace?  

I’ve decided to embrace my situation.  We won’t have enough money for me to have things the way I want within the next 6 months.  I’m going to be proud instead of embarrassed.  We have made the choice for me to stay home and take care of our family.  Result: We don’t have enough money to make our house exactly how we want.  I’m hoping I can be ok with this.  We aren’t going anywhere.  Those details will still be there when Edwin is school age.  I can address them then.  

I was raised in a society that likes to blame others.  I do that.  But I was raised by parents who taught me my life is my problem.  And as I get older I recognize that more, I guess.  As I get older it’s a little easier to see the big picture.  What I think I “need” to have or to do today, is probably not as pressing as I think it is.  I have choices.  

And one of them is calling my name right now.  :)

A Message for Moms of Small Children

It turns out I spend a lot of my Time thinking about how much Time I have.  I suspect there are many moms out there that can relate.  This thought process will include contemplation of whether I spend too much Time sleeping in the morning and how I should probably be getting up earlier. (I could get so much more accomplished if I was up at 5, right?!)  It includes thoughts about how I can make better use of our Time before school in the mornings, and how I could possibly streamline mealtime.  I spend a lot of Time feeling guilty for how I am not spending enough Time in the Word or reading with my kids.  Lately I’ve been wishing I had more time to blog and to hang out with my husband. 

Today at Mom’s Bible Study we talked about Time and how we should probably be spending more time just getting to know our kids.  There was a lot of talk about perspective and priorities.  It made me think about what my priorities are when I come home.  What do I do with my Time?  

My house is rarely cleaned up really good to start with.  This isn’t a self-help session on why, but it’s pertinent to the conversation because I’m already walking into a room that is screaming for my Time.  However, the first thing that is addressed is:  What are the needs of my children right now?  #1.  Is it time for anyone to eat?  Are my kids hungry?  Is it time for the baby’s bottle?  #2 then is, does anyone need to be cleaned?  Diapers or baths anyone?  And #3 tackles sleep.  Is it naptime?  Is it bedtime?  Is anyone especially crabby that they require immediate attention?  

Ok, so that was my kids.  Then my husband gets the same attention.  :) Right?  I mean, if he has just come home, those are the issues that need to be addressed first.  If he walks in the door filthy, at least one of those things needs to be rectified before I can hand him a child.  

Lastly then I ask if I need food, a shower, or a nap.  Haha, actually that last one was funny because that is rarely addressed.  Anyway, it turns out these things take a lot of time!  But if I haven’t had a shower in over a day and a half I am not functioning very well.  And now look – the dishes that come from the appetite and the clothes that come from the dirt are waiting for you when you are finished meeting everyone’s needs.  We haven’t even touched homework, reading, piano practice, playtime, picking up toys, or a devotion time.  Not to mention mental sanity events including a phone call with a girlfriend or a visit to grandma’s house.  

This isn’t a list of excuses or justification for my kitchen table looking the way it does.  It’s simply a meeting with reality.  We spend a lot of time in “fairy-tale-land” as my 4-year-old says, but occasionally it’s a good idea to take a look at reality.  If you are beating yourself up because things don’t ‘look the way you want them to,’ take a break.  Look at what you’ve accomplished today.  Are your children safe?  Clean enough?  Fed?  Have you bathed in the last 36 hours?  Then cut yourself some slack.  The laundry will still be there when your husband is ready to hold the baby.  :)