He Gets It

Let’s be honest.  When we are happy and things are going good, we know God gets it.  

But when things are tough, when we feel abandoned and alone and desperate... tired, drained, or frustrated.. we can feel really disconnected from our Savior.  

photo credit: Pavel P. via photopin cc

Hebrews 12:3 jumped out at me the other day and drew me in.  

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 

(ESV)

“Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men…” (NIV)

Had opposition from the world lately?  Yep.  Jesus gets it. 

He was doubted publicly over and over again.  He had lots of followers, yes; but then there was an elite public who loved to hate him.  They taunted him, challenged him, and plotted against him.  Feel like the world is against you?  Jesus knows how it feels. 

He prayed for people in need.  He listened to their problems and their heavy hearts weighed on him.  He carried their burdens. Jesus knows how heavy burdens are. He understands how sad you are for your friends and family and how their valley is bringing you down. Feel free to complain to Him about it.  He gets it. 

His friends said one thing and did another.  They didn’t listen.  They didn’t understand.  They tried, like most sinners, but they failed.  Like all sinners.  
Feel like you’ve been abandoned by those who loved you?  Forsaken by those you love?  

Jesus knows. 

Remember your Jesus who endured torture.  Who had to experience indescribable pain and suffering.  He was sent to be tried for crimes he didn’t commit and condemned for lies he didn’t tell.  

He was misunderstood, gossiped about, and experienced overwhelming frustration.  

Can you relate?

Jesus knows how you feel. 

He pleaded with God to make things different.  He prayed for answers.  He got down on his knees and cried. 

Jesus knows. 

Take comfort in knowing today, that Jesus gets it.  He is that familiar friend who has been there.  
He is the one who lovingly takes you in his arms and says, “I know how hard it is.  Please don’t give up…”  
And you can stand there and cry with him and not say anything. 

Because Jesus knows.

When Our Feelings Are Hard to Live With: Angie's Story

Today is Hearts at Home's monthly blog hop. If you'd like to know about Hearts at Home (it's a great organization with a life-changing yearly conference), go here.

Take part in today's blog hop by checking out the other blogs involved! Today's theme is Love Your Feelings. This is a reflection of the 2014 conference theme Love Your Life. Moms, you have one more day to sign up to get the discounted registration price. If you've never been before, I highly recommend it. You can read more about why I love Hearts if you click here.

Love your feelings?

Ugh.  So often I don’t.  

But I feel like due to today’s Hearts at Home Blog theme, I have to tell you about a time when I listened to my feelings.  I respected my feelings.  And eventually I came to love the whole mess of it. 

I was pregnant with our second.  Less than 6 months along, when I started feeling a certain way. 

Panic.  Desperate.  Anxious.  Laying awake wondering.  

How was I going to do this?  

How was I going to maintain my full-time job and also have 2 little ones at home?  

How was I going to keep it all going?  I was barely doing it with just one. 

I knew it was possible.  Lots of women were doing it.  My friends.  My co-workers.  Women I respected.  How did it work for them?  It was not working for me. 

But there was no way I could quit my job.  I had to keep working.  There was no way we could afford the house with only one paycheck.  Brad had only been self-employed now for a couple years and we were still a little nervous about steady work (even though he had stayed busy so far).  What was I thinking?  This was just crazy. 

But one day when we were driving somewhere - it’s always easier to have these difficult conversations in the car, right? - I just broke down.  I fell apart.  Sobbing I said to him, “I can’t do this.  I can’t go back to work after this baby is born.”

I’ll never forget that moment.  It was so clear to me that something had to change.  I didn’t know how it would possibly work.  I had no idea how we could make this happen.  But I had to be honest about the way I felt.  

My husband was sympathetic, but probably mostly because I was super-hormonal-pregnant-lady.  He really thought I was nuts.  He had no idea how this could possibly be a realistic conversation.  But clearly we were having it anyway. 

I started looking into taking a leave of absence at work.  I started searching for options.  We bounced ideas off each other.  

Then one day he called on his way home and was telling me about Grandma and Grandpa moving to the nursing home.  And what would become of their house?   Their kids didn’t really want to sell it right now.  Would it just sit empty?

Without thinking, I joked we should move into it.  He was working nearby there so often.  We could just move home.  

There was a pause on the other end of the phone.  And then he said thoughtfully, “Yeah…..?  Hmmm, that could work.”

I was floored.  He had always been so committed to the house we were in.  It was our dream home.  A big four-square fixer-upper in the country.  What we’d always wanted.  We loved it.  But now he was opening up to the idea of moving… so I could stay home with our kids?  It was the craziest thing I’d ever heard.  And it felt like a miracle. 

As plans started to unfold, the picture got clearer.  My feelings were being heard.  I had the clarity I had been praying for.  

Clare Elizabeth was born in May.  While I was delivering, the couple interested in our house called again.  They wanted to come back for a second visit.  

We sold for a profit in July of 2007.  3 months before the housing market crashed.  Before the economy fell apart.  Before things got scary.  We used the money to pay off our debts.  And we moved into a tiny house way too close to family.  (That’s another story.)  

Now, there are some more great elements to the story that follows.  But I don’t want to mislead you.  It wasn’t ideal really.  The house was super little.  The transition was brutal.  The rest of the story is actually crazy and it has been a roller-coaster ride.  Much of it has been recorded on the pages of this blog.  But those feelings that I listened to - they ended up giving me a clarity I had never had.  They were there for a reason.  God was constructing a path for me to do something I had never thought was possible.  It was opening up in front of me, and responding to it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  Rarely does a day pass when I don’t think of the emotions that led me to become a more available mom to my kiddos.  

That day - those months - I did NOT love my feelings.  I loathed them.  They haunted me.  I fought with them.  They persisted.  I stared blankly at the ceiling wondering if there was any escaping the feelings that gripped my heart… or the tough decisions that would have to be made. 

But now when I look back?  I love those feelings.  I love that they stalked me day and night and wouldn’t be ignored.  I love that God placed them on my heart and gave me sound wisdom from wise women I cried to.  I am thankful for the feelings that changed my life.  For the whirlwind of emotions that birthed clarity when the clouds parted and the wind died down.  These days, I love the whole mess of it.  

Why does loving our feelings always seem to be messy business that isn’t that fun and requires admitting hard things or change?!  If you know the answer, please share!

About Fear

Here is me walking along with my plans and my intentions and I want everything to be neat and tidy. 

I've got my lists and my calendars and it makes me feel better. 

Especially as I enter into a new school year. Or new circumstances. Or a new season...of life.

photo credit: dlemieux via photopin cc

Well, that's what I want to do. The reality is, when I'm really struggling with fear I can barely get to work on time, let alone plan out my day. I walk around my life seeing things that need to be done, but feeling bound and gagged. I start desperately looking around for something I can do to fix this - a plan, an answer key, a flow chart. A list, a system, a fix.

But nothing lands. 
I grab for them and they crumble in my hands. I'm still lost. I can't lean on my lists or my plans, for security. The rug has been pulled from beneath me. Now I'm even more afraid.  I'm still falling thru mid air with no safety net to catch me. 
I can't stomach the ride.

What can I do?

"You aren't helpless," he said to me. "You have the help of the helpless."

I don't think it's going to be a magical moment where all the sudden I’m not afraid anymore. 
It will be hard work to cling to God’s promises. 

It will be gradual.

It’s going to require moment-by-moment responses to his promises.  It’s going to mean feeling uncomfortable and having to settle into this new reality.  
My new normal: not being in control.

Clinging to God’s promises in the midst of fear is all I have left.  And it is serving me well.  There have been a few specific Bible verses that I desperately hold onto in fearful moments.  

I re-read them over and over.  

I repeat them in breathless moments when I’m frantic for peace.  

Sometimes I cry them out.  Sometimes I just stare at them and ask God to wrap them around my heart.  

I want to encourage you to cling to God's promises in the midst of your fear.  Here are some Bible verses serving me well. 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perpelexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-9,16

Do you have a go to verse or prayer in the midst of fear?Have you felt the desperation of losing control of your circumstances?  Do tell!  Sharing could mean encouragement for someone else struggling with this today.  

Dwelling on Stress? Find the Good.

“What are you all stressed out about?” she asked with an oblivious air.

And then I punched her in the face.

Just kidding.  But I wanted to.  It’s been a while, but there have been times when I’ve been questioned about my frazzled presence and I've had to desperately appeal to every remaining ounce of self-control.

We’ve all been there.  Some days are worse than others, and if you want to list them out, there are plenty of reasons for all us to feel like a ticking time-bomb. 

Lucy Kellaway is a witty author who writes for the Financial Times and does a bit on BBCBusiness Daily.  Her commentary has a knack for wading thru the muck and getting to the simple truth of things.  The other day she was talking about stress.  She poked some fun at the ‘stress busters’ that grab headlines and claim to solve problems in people’s lives.  Arianna Huffington did a piece in December about a ‘Big Idea’ that she has for addressing stress.  Recognizing the stress is her first suggestion; and then we have to take “steps to course-correct."  She cited examples of how people turn to Yoga and massages to find some escape. 

But Kellaway points out that Downward Facing Dog is not going to solve her problems.  

“In order for me to ‘course-correct’, I can think of [some] things that might be of some help, and yoga isn’t one of them. Instead they are: a) for my children to be 10 years older; b) for my dad to be 10 years younger; c) for my brain to work faster…”  

Here is a link to the article in its entirety.  

I always find Kellaway’s perspective to be refreshing.  Even though she writes for a business audience, I can relate!  I’m a part-time stay-at-home-mom, part-time farm-hand.  I live in rural America with my 3 kids under 10 and my builder husband.  Yet Kellaway’s statement reflects the fact that most of us struggle with the same kinds of challenges and frustrations.

Her suggestion for dealing with stress is excellent as well.  She points out that it would help if we would identify the actual issue, and not just use this blanket term of “stress.”  Instead, figure it out.  Are you hungry?  Tired?  Bored?  Disorganized?  Don’t have enough time?  These are specific issues that usually have specific solutions.  

[By the way, they apply to children too.  Why is this child acting this way?  Is he hungry?  Bored?  Tired?  Dirty?  Has he had enough of my time lately?  Sometimes it takes creative thinking, but labeling a child as “naughty” or “terrible” is frequently inaccurate and useless to boot.]

Obviously solutions are easier talked about than found.  Some of us just have too much on our plates, due to too many people depending on us, or not enough money to help bear the burdens.  Sleep, free time, and food are good ideas, but our culture is not known for the healthy choices we make.  We should all aim to do a better job feeding our families real food, getting enough sleep, and spending some quality time together. 

On the other hand, maybe we just like to complain.  Let’s face it: In this culture, it’s easier to list out all the things that are wrong today, than it is to celebrate the positives. 

But Kellaway says that, for her

“the very worst thing I can do is dwell on [stress].  Even saying the word is bad. Indeed, the only reliable cure I’ve ever found is to spend 30 seconds with my husband. This always goes the same way: I moan about how stressed I’m feeling and he invariably replies, without looking up from his laptop: “What rubbish. You lead an interesting, busy life and you like it that way.”

I love this.  Her husband is right!  I do love my life!  I love my jobs, my kids, and my messy house.  I love my goals, my disastrous office, and my cluttered van.  Of course I have problems.  And my life isn’t perfect.  I work really hard to identify those things that I can’t stand, and CHANGE them.  The point is, dwelling on how ‘stressed out’ we are doesn’t do much good.  Recognizing  the GOOD – that is useful.  Once again, I land right back here at some really good advice from Paul -

Do not be anxious about anything,

But in everything , by PRAYER and petition,

WITH THANKSGIVING,

present your requests to God. 

And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6,7

When we recognize and “hold on to the good” (Thessalonians 5:21), we can better see the truth of our circumstances.  In the midst of the busyness of life and the to-do lists, PRAYER can part the overwhelming waters of stress and clear a path for what is most important and what has to be done.  It can make it easier to see - “I lead an interesting, busy life, and I like it that way.”

Wanted: Wisdom

A couple of months ago I was really struggling with my school-age child. We were butting heads constantly. I was so frustrated with her “attitude” and wanted to nip it Right then and There. Unfortunately, that translated into constant criticism, which didn’t get me the results I wanted PLUS made both of us feel terrible about ourselves all the time.

I backed off and decided to pick my battles with a little more wisdom. It turns out parenting is a process and so is her developing personality. While I can’t let her rule the family with her bossiness, I can’t be constantly reprimanding her either. I’ve changed my strategy and currently things are a bit better. I won’t elaborate on “my strategy” unless you ask me to, because I’m not really here to dole out parenting advice.

I’m here because I’m looking for some.

Next up on The Challenges of Parenting a School-Age Child Experience: How to Handle Struggles at School. This episode – Reading.

My oldest is brilliant in many ways. She has fabulous ideas, she’s great with numbers, and she’s a Creator. But she’s been slow to become a fluent reader. At this point neither her teacher nor I think she’s dealing with a disability. We may find otherwise down the road, but so far we just think it’s taking her a little longer than many of her peers.

I’m not freaking out about this. But I am trying to address the situation appropriately, and I want to help her. She’s frustrated about it and knows she is kind-of behind. Yesterday we got her report card and sat down to look at it together. Those of you who have walked this road know that children can take this sort of thing really personally. I did not realize this. I focused in on the great parts of her report card, and there are many. But her attention went straight to the weaknesses. I read her what the teacher said in the Comments, which included that “she is improving” but needs to “practice more to increase her fluency” and that she could also work on her writing skills. I read the positive comments too and looked over and she was crying. L It made me sad. O, oldest perfectionist daughter! O, sweet first grader who wants to please her teacher... and her parents! Please don’t cry.

So I tried to comfort her and we talked a little and it wasn’t the end of the world. But the planner in me has a hard time not laying it all out:

“Ok, Sophie, we need to work on this. So after you get done with your homework every night, and then piano practice, we need to spend 45 minutes, at least, reading. We’ll go thru this checklist that your teacher suggests and….”

No. I didn’t say that. But it was hard not to. I don’t want her to be thinking about what a drag this is that she has to read more. I want her to be motivated and willing. I don’t want to be crabby about it, and I’m determined not to.

So what is your advice for approaching this with her? I’m thinking she might enjoy a chart. She is an oldest type A, after all. I have some ideas for rewards… I just don’t know. I want to know what not to say, and what I could say that would be helpful. And I think largely, I need to pray that I don’t destroy any confidence that she does have. And that I can help to build her up. Any of your suggestions are welcome.

Refocusing

As usual, Hearts-at-Home National Conference was fabulous. It was different for me this year, but it was still good. When it was all over I had a lot of processing to do, and to be honest I’m still working on it. I noticed that when I came home Brad was prepared for me to come in and announce whatever life changes I would now be implementing. After 7 years, he has learned. And I think he appreciates that usually it’s good stuff that benefits our marriage and our family.

Every year I think I come home and say “I need to re-focus.” It’s not a bad thing. It reminds me of one of the sessions we attended called Professional Parenthood. Kendra and John Smiley shared how we can approach our job as parents as a professional would approach their job. For example, ‘professionals’ set goals, and setting goals for our kids can help us figure out what they need from us. Professionals also EVALUTE themselves TRUTHFULLY. I think that’s what Hearts at Home does for me. It gives me an opportunity to think about what I’m doing and what I could be doing better. It helps me to separate the big issues from the minor ones. And it gives me the resources I need to find solutions to those issues.

So as usual, I’m ‘refocusing.’ I need to straighten out my priorities. I think I spend too much time online and not enough time washing clothes. I have been really focused on myself and my new life goals, lately. This is painfully obvious, but: just because I think I’m done having kids, doesn’t mean I can move onto the next phase. The next phase is not about me. It’s about being the hands-on parent I want to be: creating a structured safe-haven for my kids where they will be given tough choices and taught to handle success and failure in a loving family. It’s about them. And as much I think it would be fun to go after my master’s degree or write a book, the priority needs to be passionate parenting.

Of course my sanity depends on writing. I have to write. I have to have some time for me and my brain. I know I need to have an identity separate from that of MOM. But I think my biggest passion right now needs to be Motherhood. And I’m excited about that. Again.

I Can Relate

I sat down at the computer to write the sentence “Motherhood is often a lonely job.”

Before I could do so, two children were climbing on me, putting chapstick on my lips (whether I wanted some or not), one asking to sit with me, and one leaning on me after bumping her head on the table she approached which has the computer on it.

Sigh. Deep breath. After taking smaller girl to the bathroom, I’m back reflecting on my original sentence. Well, still not very lonely – she is on my lap of course.

But I still maintain that while we can be surrounded by children, this can be a lonely job.

In the middle of the night feeding a hungry baby. In the middle of a store comforting an injured, screaming toddler. In the middle of the morning rush – the only one who seems to understand what time school starts.

It can feel kindof lonely.

I have a wonderful husband. But let’s face it – most parenting decisions he defers to me. We work together and talk thru bedtimes and attitudes about school and homework. But I end up being the last word on some pretty big decisions like potty training, when to start solid foods, and whether they need to see a doctor. Not to mention I’m in charge of what we eat (taking into account everyone’s likes and dislikes of course), how much it costs, and having it ready. When I look at a living room full of clothes that need to be folded and put away, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed since the clothes won’t be folding themselves.

This is why I cried all day when I first went to the National Hearts-at-Home Conference back when Sophie was born. Being in a convention hall full of women who shared the same decisions, the same heartaches, the same insecurities…was a new discovery for me.

It’s why I make Mom’s Bible Study a priority – I need that community. It’s why I am SO thankful for my fellow mom-friends and phone calls where we can laugh and cry about our parenting dilemmas. It’s why I attempt to reach out to new moms with comforting words and zero judgment. It’s why I write.

It’s why I’m so thankful that every day is a new day. That I have a forgiving God with whom I can plead with as often as I need to. That He is always listening. And always loving.

This job can be lonely. Covered in children, surrounded by things – when I feel alone it’s my job to do something about it. Prayer, a phone call, a frank discussion with my partner – or just a nice conversation about the latest family milestone. Because loneliness is not going to fix itself. As moms, we can’t wait for civilization or a friendly conversation to come to us. We have to seek it out. For the sake of our mental health and our brains. Even if it’s turning on a mom talk show, or joining in an online conversation - be a part of a mom community. You’re not alone. I can relate. Someone can always relate. J

p.s. If you haven’t registered for Hearts-at-Home yet this year, or want to learn more about it, click on this link. A day led by Jill Savage will do wonders for your Mommy-Brain.

Learning

Life has been busy and exciting for me lately, as I've been working with a good friend on a blog she created called Practical Scrappers. I've been putting a lot of time into the online world of scrapbooking. It's been time consuming, but it's also been fulfilling as I've seen how much I can be learning from others who share my passion. I am finding (or remembering) that when we share our ideas with people who love the same things we do, we are better able to define our passion and our beliefs. It works with anything - parenting, teaching, friendships. We all have our own perspectives and approaches to these things. When we compare ideas - what has worked and what has not, why we do what we do, or our frustrations, we realize to a finer degree what lies inside us. How DO I feel about poddy training at this age, or evaluating the papers of my students, or a structured bedtime? When I'm forced to speak aloud (or type) what I know about the topic at hand, my ideas become more real. And sometimes we realize that the things we "know" or thought we knew, maybe aren't the best ways to do things.

Last night I went with Christine to a party at which she was selling Close to My Heart product. I learned a lot that I thought I already knew including that scrapbookers are often using someone else's designs, or a template, to create all these beautiful pages! :) You mean, there are a lot of people that are getting directions on how to create pages?! :) ok, so I kindof knew this.

We get in our own little boxes we keep things to ourselves, and sometimes we're missing out on some really useful information. I don't want to do that with my parenting. I don't want my kids to think that their way of life is the only way of life. I don't want to do that with my creating or with my marriage. I want to learn more and keep learning. I want to use this info to better understand me and my family and my life.

So I bought a book. It's called Reflections. It has patterns in it for page layouts. It even tells you what paper you can/could use from the company and what embellishments will go just perfectly. Not sure that I'll be following their instructions to the letter. But I bet that a little bit of their direction, a lot of me and my style, and a little prayer and I can create something fantastic.

Apply to your own life as needed.

Now go learn something.

But if I don't have Love, I am nothing.

The Mom's Bible Study group that I've been a part of this year (a huge blessing to say the least) read and discussed this book Who Got Peanut Butter on My Daily Planner? Organizing and LOVING Your Days as Mom, by Cindy Sigler Dagnan. It is pretty good and very practical. Anyway, my favorite part of the book is this rendition of I Corinthians 13 - for Moms.

I can read bedtime stories till the cow jumps over the moon and sing "Ten Little Monkeys" until I want to call the doctor - but if I don't have love, I'm as annoying as a ringing phone.

I can chase a naked toddler through the house while cooking dinner and listening to voice mail, I can fix the best cookies and Kool-Aid in the neighborhood, and I can tell a sick child's temperature with one touch of my finger, but if I don't have love, I am nothing.

Love is patient while watching and praying by the front window when it's 30 minutes past curfew. Love is kind when my teen says, "I hate you!" It does not envy the neighbor's swimming pool or their brand-new minivan, but trusts the Lord to provide every need.

Love does not brag when other parents share their disappointments and insecurities and rejoices when other families succeed.

It doesn't boast, even when I've multitasked all day long and my husband can't do more than one thing at a time.

Love is not rude when my spouse innocently asks, "What have you done today?" It is not easily angered, even when my 15-year-old acts like the world revolves around her. It is not self-righteous when I remind my 17-year-old that he's going 83 in a 55-mph-zone, but rejoices in the truth.

Love trusts God to protect our children when we cannot. It perserveres through blue nail polish, burps and other bodily functions, rolled eyes, crossed arms, messy rooms and sleepovers.

Love never fails. But where there are memories of thousands of diaper changes and painful labors, they will fade away. Where there is talking back, it will (eventually) cease. (Please Lord?) But when we get to heaven, our imperfect parenting will disappear. (Thank you, God!)

When we were children, we needed a parent to love and protect us. Now that we're parents ourselves, we have a heavenly Father who adores, shelters and holds us when we need to cry.

And now these three remain; faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Meaningful Connections

Finally, a new blog entry! And it won’t be based on complaints! I’m excited about this. You may not think this is that big of a deal, but you should have seen all the blogs I tried to write and how crabby they sounded. As a result, I didn’t post them. You’re welcome. :)

There were some cute things I wanted to say about my kids, and I’m sure I’ll find a way to weave in the good stuff. The last few days have been especially reflective. As I’ve been climbing out of the Blahs, I’ve been filled with quite a bit of joy and inspiration. I have found myself driven to focus even more on becoming a better wife, prayer warrior, and parent… all of these being linked.

And since the house remains unchanged due to weather and now ROAD POSTINGS (curs-ed country Illinois roads), these realizations will probably drive a few of these blog posts in the near future.

So today I’m subbing in a science class. The students have a tricky worksheet they are working on and the teacher’s notes said they could use partners for help. One boy seemed to just be calling out numbers and writing down the answers the other students gave him, no thinking required. It bothered me, as it always does, and I attempted to intervene. Regardless of the conversation that followed, what reoccurred to me was this: It’s up to you to make connections in life.

That student might write down the answer and as he does so, recognize a link between what he writes, something in his brain, and the concept the worksheet is trying to convey. There may be learning actually going on. And maybe not. But it’s up to all of us to make the connections in life. It’s up to each of us to.. get an education, make sense of the world, figure out meaning.
No one can do it for you. At least not meaningfully.

And this is what I want to teach my kids. One of the thousand million things I want them to understand. Timeline for this goal? Hopefully before they make a career or mate choice. We’ll see. I remember in college a professor telling me that I was making connections that made my classes more meaningful. How long had I been doing that? Is it something that we develop? Are taught? Stumble upon? How do you teach that? And while I’m there, how do you teach your children to forgive?

These are the things I’m contemplating, partly because I’m reading a book called Raising Great Kids: Parenting with Grace and Truth. Those last 3 words are really what the book is about. (I would highly recommend it.) But with my recall today about making connections, I was reminded that while I will do what I can to parent with a balanced approach that’s not smothering or without boundaries, there is only so much I can do. It is up to my children, and students, to make decisions that will lead to a life of meaning and connection. Now I said that this post would be happier, so I won’t go into the sad part about accepting that my children will make mistakes and struggle and cry over loss and pain. And that I will be crying with them. Instead, for today, I am joyful that I have a God who has given our family so many resources to prepare our children for the world. And especially for the gift of a God who is the perfect balance of grace and truth, forgiving His children and loving them over and over again when we come to Him with a professing heart. Without this truth, I can’t imagine being a parent and not being completely a mess all the time. Or in denial.

So many reasons to be thankful. My kids are super healthy, smart, and beautiful (nice bonus). And although Sophie's smart-mouth drives me crazy, every night before she goes to sleep she says to me “Love you, love you,” and rolls over and goes to sleep. Thank you, God, for this connection.