10 Steps When You Feel Like A Loser

#1. Think of someone else who is more of a loser.

Just kidding!!!!
Don't do that. Stop doing that!

Ok, seriously...

#1. Scrounge around and find something cool about your life. Think of a win. You’ve got ‘em. List through a couple.

My kids have personality.
I have awesome friends.
I occasionally say useful things.
I love my husband.
I'm glad I don't think I'm perfect.

#2. Pray thankfulness for those things. Even if it's begrudgingly. Just do it. 

#3. Confess in prayer that you feel like a loser. For some reason that always helps me a little. 

#4. Acknowledge that in reality, God has a reason for you. A special way you can honor Him with the job He has given YOU. 

mom, dad, spouse, daughter, employee, friend, whatever...

Today there is a job for you to do. (It doesn't require a 5-year-plan.)

#5. Ponder that truth. God wants you AND you have purpose! 2 for 1! 

#6. [If instead of happy fuzzy feelings, that truth brings bitterness and anger, talk to God about that pronto. He yearns for us to honestly bear our souls to Him instead of pretending. He already knows when we are angry. But he would rather hear it from us.]

#7. Back to the job you've been given today. Pray God will give you the strength to do that job. That He will provide you with the words or energy or attitude or all of the above. It might be making dinner or getting out of bed or caring for a dying parent. 

Lord, Help me do this. 

#8. Praying God will strengthen you, and TRUSTING that He really will, are two different things. But don't worry about it. He's got this whether you "believe" He can or not. Pray for His power to work in you, through this situation, right in front of you, right now. He can do it.

#9. Keep praying. Pray for your heart to lean on Him. 

Pray thanks HE is ALL things FOR us. Holding us up. Getting us through the biggest challenges and the littlest tough moments. 

#10. Say Amen. 

Hold your head up high. Walk in the confidence of Christ. He's got this. 

[BONUS!] #11. Tell Satan to bug off. You are a child of God and he can't have you!

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

Philippians 4:4-7

Pin this post so you can come back to it when you are having a crummy day!

What to you do when you're feeling like a loser? I confess prayer isn't always my first thing, but I'm working on it! 

I Do Not Love My Struggles!

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I can honestly say, I do not love my struggles. 

In fact, when I’m struggling, “love” is not the word that comes to mind at all.  Frustrated, irritated, about-to-lose-it.. these are words that more accurately express how I feel.  

I struggle when my family is coming at me from all sides….!!!!  (Just thinking about this makes my blood pressure go up.)

I struggle when I don’t know what to say to my husband. 

I struggle as I flail-about trying to understand how to manage our money and failing over and over. 

I struggle when anxiety overtakes my day and I fight to stay focused on one thing long enough to complete it.

These are regular, boring, everyday problems that lots of people “struggle” with.  These are the little things, I suppose.  They aren’t even the heavy, nasty stuff like cancer diagnosis, or lost babies, or falling-apart marriages.  This list is really aggravating but it doesn’t even include the traumatic, abusive childhood someone desperately wants to put behind them or the addiction that follows the addict.  

I do not love struggles. 

I hate them. 

When Hearts at Home said that this month’s blog hop would be about Love Your Struggles, the first thing I thought of was that I don’t. 

Despite this, right away I saw where HAH was coming from with this painful suggestion.  I’m not going to speak for you.  I can’t say how awful and useless your struggle might be.  But I will speak for myself.  And it turns out, that there are a couple of things I have gained at the end of a fight.  

I found out I can survive way more than I realized.  I lived through that struggle and even though at the time my heart was being torn in two, I’m amazed to say that healing happened.  Something sewed it back together and I don’t really understand nor can I explain it.  But it happened.  And now I know what healing looks like.

A few more things make sense now.  The way people act.  The baggage they carry.  The perspective I just couldn’t wrap my brain around.  Some of those circumstances are accessible to me now.  And that knowledge makes it easier to love others, who were harder to love before. 

Now I know what prayer does.  Never before had I felt wrapped up in the prayers of others, like that.  I had never leaned so heavily, when I simply could not pray for myself.  It wasn’t until that struggle that I experienced a love and power that moved me to do what I had to do.  And I knew prayer was the mechanism for what seemed impossible at the time. 

If I hadn’t struggled that way, I wouldn’t know my God so intimately.  It’s like with a good friend.  When you have been in the trenches together - dealt with something heavy and significant and threatening - you come out with a powerful connection.  When we are backed into a corner with no one to seek out but our God - we find out more about Him than we do sitting in our cozy chair wearing fuzzy slippers.  God was there with me.  He didn’t give up on me.  He didn’t abandon me.  He filled me up with His strength and His wisdom so I could say what needed to be said, and do what needed to be done. 

Jacob is halfway through his life when he meets God and wrestles with him.  Jacob wrestles with God and won’t give up, trying so hard to hold his own. (Genesis 32)  In the end, God blesses Jacob.  Jacob is rewarded for his struggle.  Does he limp out of the fight?  Yes.  He is injured and his gait is the proof of this.  Did he win?  Depends on your definition.  Does he better understand himself and his God?  No doubt.  

I hate my struggles.  But I love the person who comes out the other side.  I can’t help but cherish the wounds and the scars that prove my existence and my survival.  I can’t stand that there has to be a fight; but I treasure the new perspective, the mountains God has moved within me, and the opportunity to comfort others who might struggle as I have. 

I’m not asking you to love your struggles in this moment.  But I will pray that at some point you can find some use in the wisdom you’re gaining in the midst of the fight.  For now, if you are struggling, persevere with the knowledge that you are not alone.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.  Isaiah 41:10

Have you found something useful after the dust settles on chaos? Sharing your struggle can be useful to those still in the midst of the battle.

3 Things I Really Want Women to Know

There are 3 things I really want women to know.

1. The way you feel? Other women have felt that way too.
2. The place you’re at? Not an accident.
3. The things you’ve done/thought/said? They do not define you.

Finding out the truth can be such a game-changer. I know it has been for me.

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See your life through the lens of Christ’s sacrifice.        He died for you. 
Despite all the messes you’ve made. Regardless of how imperfectly you live this life. 
He wants you with Him for eternity. He wants to make you Holy.

Here’s what worshiping Him looks like:

Loving Him.
Reaching out to Him in the impossible moments.
Recognizing your mistakes and seeking Him.
Acknowledging you can’t do it alone.

Loving others. This includes your husband, your family, the check-out girl who talks too much, and your awkward neighbors. It includes total strangers and people you wish were total strangers.
It means love leads our actions. Loving Him means loving others.

I'm grateful for the moments that are teaching me these things.  And for the privilege of sharing these truths with others this spring!  Thank you for considering me for your women's event!

Contact Angie to speak to your women's group.  She's flexible and excited to bring a message of encouragement to your event!  

Click here to access a printable flyer to share with your group.

When Your Dreams and Your Reality Are Staring Each Other Down

Last week Hearts at Home inspired me to write about giving yourself permission to dream. But today we need to pause for a moment and think a little about how this fits into where God has us now....

Planning.  Plotting.  Preparing.  These are a few of my favorite things.  I’m way better at coming up with an idea than I am at following through on it.  So I have a few. 

And some of these ideas have turned into big dreams and goals and there are moments in the past handful of years where I am so ready to put 1,000% into making these goals a real part of everyday. 

Then what happens?

Well, a whole lot of reality, usually.  I joke all the time that if I were independently wealthy, I’d be so much further on my plans.  But I’m not.  So crazy-things like the need for a paycheck sooner than later, tend to crop up as a reason to go to work instead of writing queries for a book deal.  And it’s not just money. One of my kids gets sick and ends up needing a surgical procedure.  How bout a big event at church or my work week doubling in hours due to its seasonal nature?  

Then there are the really huge things.  

Waking up one day to find that if my marriage doesn’t get some life-support ASAP, it’s not going to be around to see the book tour happen.  Dealing with family deaths and stupid diseases that we don’t understand.  Small children who ask if I can read them another story and I can’t say no.

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Here’s the thing.  I am a huge fan of identifying your passion and running with it.  I know that this requires sacrifices.  No question.  But there are some years where it’s not an excuse.  It’s a really good reason to put family first.  There are some seasons of life where it might be better for you to put the dreams aside, just for a little longer, so you don’t miss something that could make your ministry even stronger.  There is a time and a place for everything.  …..  And being a really intentional parent or friend might need to come first for a time.  

This is not a guilt trip.  Exactly the opposite.  If you are feeling pulled in two different directions, don’t be afraid to let your kids or your husband have the best of you for a while if that’s what your family needs.  Sometimes really taking care of those things is even scarier than pursuing a big dream.  

Trying to fix a marriage or figure out what your kids need is incredibly hard, but making that your big goal for the year can be abundantly more fulfilling than a book tour, or a big speaking engagement.  

In fact, it might be the hardest thing you’ve ever done.  

But it might also be the best thing you’ll ever do.

#LetGodShowYouHowToLoveYourFamily 
#BigDreams

#TheMinistryOfBeingASpouse

#TheMinistryOfBeingAParent

Has some hard-headed Reality stepped right in the way of your big dreams? Have you found a way to make peace with that? Share your story to encourage someone else facing the same thing.

A Fresh Year of Second Chances

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I love fresh starts.  

Really there is no magical difference between yesterday and today.  The flaws I seek to alter, the unfinished projects - they remain.  

But humanity embraces an opportunity to mark time… a beginning and an end… the old and the new.  And there’s nothing wrong with that. 

It’s why I loved teaching.  Each day is a new day.  

It’s why the morning can feel filled with hope.  The sun rises with possibilities.  

It’s why a fresh blank page in front of me makes me smile.  Something new is coming. 

Your brain thrives on novelty.  It loves anticipation.  It yearns for a blank slate.  So does mine. 

So we make one.  We set a day aside to commemorate what has past, and look ahead to what is new.  

And then it begins.  The blank page, the new calendar, the fresh year - whatever you want to call it.  

It is here. 

And while there is nothing magically different about today, we can convince ourselves there is.  It can feel like a fresh start.  And we should run with it.  

Everyone needs a fresh start.  Everyone needs their slate wiped clean, a chance to try again.  We all have something… many things… we would like to put behind us so we can move on with our lives.  

Sure our trial and tribulations have changed us.  Sure we’ve learned something and maybe we wouldn’t even trade that.  This year we will see the world differently on Jan 2nd than we did last year.  Thank goodness.  

But it doesn’t change the yearning for a blank page.  

And I’m thankful for the changes that my messes made in me last year, and I’m thankful I get second chances and it just makes for a great start to a new year when I can take a sec to see that there are good things that came of them.  And I’m thankful to leave that behind and I can take a deep breath and rest in the arms of a Savior that is the King of Second Chances.   

The King of Second Chances greets me today - and everyday - offering me a new start.  I come to him and cry out for a new day.  I cry and complain about my mistakes and my what-was-I-thinking moments and when I’ve admitted my mistakes he lovingly reassures me he is not holding on to the past.

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us….” I John 1:9

“Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by Him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses.” Acts 13:38,39

The new year begins, and with it there will be lots of second chances.  Second chances to see what matters and to be forgiving.  Second chances to think before we speak and relish a comforting word.  Second chances to make goals and lists and plans and keep them and even finish them.  

And an everyday-everyminute chance to ask God to wrap us up in his forgiving love, take a deep breath, and try again.  He isn’t holding on to our mistakes when we are desperate to leave them behind.  He is only holding on to us.  

Happy Fresh Start Day 2014.  Live it everyday.  

About Fear

Here is me walking along with my plans and my intentions and I want everything to be neat and tidy. 

I've got my lists and my calendars and it makes me feel better. 

Especially as I enter into a new school year. Or new circumstances. Or a new season...of life.

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Well, that's what I want to do. The reality is, when I'm really struggling with fear I can barely get to work on time, let alone plan out my day. I walk around my life seeing things that need to be done, but feeling bound and gagged. I start desperately looking around for something I can do to fix this - a plan, an answer key, a flow chart. A list, a system, a fix.

But nothing lands. 
I grab for them and they crumble in my hands. I'm still lost. I can't lean on my lists or my plans, for security. The rug has been pulled from beneath me. Now I'm even more afraid.  I'm still falling thru mid air with no safety net to catch me. 
I can't stomach the ride.

What can I do?

"You aren't helpless," he said to me. "You have the help of the helpless."

I don't think it's going to be a magical moment where all the sudden I’m not afraid anymore. 
It will be hard work to cling to God’s promises. 

It will be gradual.

It’s going to require moment-by-moment responses to his promises.  It’s going to mean feeling uncomfortable and having to settle into this new reality.  
My new normal: not being in control.

Clinging to God’s promises in the midst of fear is all I have left.  And it is serving me well.  There have been a few specific Bible verses that I desperately hold onto in fearful moments.  

I re-read them over and over.  

I repeat them in breathless moments when I’m frantic for peace.  

Sometimes I cry them out.  Sometimes I just stare at them and ask God to wrap them around my heart.  

I want to encourage you to cling to God's promises in the midst of your fear.  Here are some Bible verses serving me well. 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perpelexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-9,16

Do you have a go to verse or prayer in the midst of fear?Have you felt the desperation of losing control of your circumstances?  Do tell!  Sharing could mean encouragement for someone else struggling with this today.  

I'm Not Sitting Alone

I’m sitting in a tough moment.  

Been there?

This current struggle does not happen and then go away.  It follows me everywhere.  Especially in quiet moments.  Whether I am lying in bed trying to go to sleep, or driving down the road with fewer children than normal (hence the silence), or sitting in the peace of the morning before my family wakes up.  I’m sitting in a tough moment in my marriage. 

Praise the Lord, I have been given some wise counsel.  I have a good book right now that I think is helping and a few friends I can lean on.  I have plenty of resources.  

And when someone suggests something or the book instructs a behavior that I am unsure of, I ponder it and weigh the possible outcomes. 

So there is a suggestion for me to ask my husband a question and I’m sitting here trying to decide if I should.  The question is: How have I hurt you?

I have lots of good reasons not to ask him this today.  I don’t want to bother him, or risk the day we have planned.  I don’t want him to have to think about me like that, when we both seem to be in a good mood and we are going to spend time with our kids.  I don’t want to stress him out.  

And let’s be honest.  I don’t want to him think about how I’ve hurt him. 

Are these good reasons not to ask?  The answer to this question is really something I need to know and we need to talk about.  I suspect Satan is disguising himself as a non-confrontational peace-maker here to keep me from doing what I need to do.

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:37-39

The verse I’ve been leaning on the last few days solidly stands before me.  I meditate on it.  Why is this verse of so much comfort to me right now?

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Much more than conquerors, much more than just the winner of life over death.  Christ earned salvation for us, but there is even more!, as Paul writes in Romans 8.  The bottom line is not only did we win this incredible gift... but we also get all the extras (dive into Romans 8 to learn more).  

But the best extra - the most amazing part to me today - is that we get the love and companionship and attention of our God and Savior.  

I know that my God is sitting right next to me in this tough moment.  

I know that He won’t leave me and that he is encouraging me and patiently loving me.  

I know that He is leading me and when I ask Him for wisdom He will guide me.  

I know that He will forgive me for all the stupid things I will say in this tough time and He will cry with me when I’m frustrated.  

When I seek Him, He will answer.  When I pray, He will listen. 

I am so comforted by the faithfulness and devotion of my God.  “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

So thankful. 



Have you found peace in a storm because you could feel God’s presence?  

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Handing God My List

"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21

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This summer has not been good.  Hate to be a downer, but it has just been really rough.  Too much drama, too many disappointments.  Someday maybe I’ll tell you all about it.  For now just trust me.  I’m about ready to crawl in bed and not come out till October. 

After another crushing realization last night, I woke up this morning and wandered around my house for a while  somewhat lost.  Thankfully a really great post the other day was still floating around in my head, which suggests 3 smart ways to start off your day: Open your Bible, turn on some Christian music, and provide a Jesus moment for your kids.  Ok, read that when you are done with this. ;)  

So I opened my Bible and I’ve been reading John and I’m on chapter 3.  The last verse gave me some needed hope. 

"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21

What God can do and what I can do are two very different things.  

Then I stumbled upon a post online about forgiveness.  And I started journaling.  

Lord, I am disappointed and mad...

I know that I am called to love in the face of this disappointment.  I am so weak right now.  

I started listing out the things I need to do right now that I don’t know if I can do.  That I just don’t feel like I can handle.  

I need to be prepared for this weekend.  It’s all up to you.  Help me. 

I need to support my friends.  It’s all up to you.  Help me. 

I need to be a good mom.  Help my daughter with her projects.  Take care of my children.  It’s all up to you.  Help me. 

And the craziest thing happened.  Each time I laid my list before God, I felt a little better.  I could feel strength coming back, the spirit lifting me up.  

I know God wants us to let Him handle all our STUFF, but that’s different than actually handing it over to him.  Item by item, I am handing it over to God.  Because I have little left in me right now.  And that’s a good thing.  Because God will do a much better job than I would have. 

"But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God." John 3:21

Have you stumbled into God's strength when yours was all gone? Who can testify to the good things that have been done through God?

Who Said You Were Qualified for This?

The other day I found myself asking what makes me qualified to blog or speak or write in a community of believers.  I think this is a valid question. I felt compelled to explore.

In my Bio I explain a little about my life, and when I read over it I am struck by how ‘Pollyanna’ it sounds.  As my Google status states - I’m “spoiled rotten.”  My brothers always called me the princess, even though that’s not really how I’ve ever seen myself.  But on the other hand, I do like to get my way.  Don’t we all? ;)

Turns out, while I have been ridiculously blessed, I’m pretty normal.  I grew up in a fairly functional family. But I’ve watched loved ones struggle with addiction, depression, and infertility.  My grandparents were married until my mom was a newlywed.  Then they got divorced.  Then they married again.  Oh for goodness sakes, then they got divorced again.  And trust me, that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  

Grandpa was killed in a tragic accident when I was in 2nd grade and my mom and her 8 siblings were all broken.  They had a lot of family relationships to mend and it has taken years to heal as much as they have.  But looking back, in the midst of all their suffering, I learned so much about forgiveness and love.  They’ve taught me perspective.

I struggled to find my way into adulthood.  I was so successful in high school, but college hit me like a ton of bricks.  Looking back, it’s clear I struggled with depression my freshman year.  My high-school sweetheart and I rode those waves, and got married when I was still in college = whole other set of challenges.  

We’ve been married for going-on-14-years, which means we’ve been together almost 19.  Crazy to think that now Brad has known me for more than half my life!  We’ve had our share of pain and heartache, disappointment and anger.  These last few years have definitely been the hardest and the closest we’ve ever been to jumping ship.  But the growth that has come out of it has also brought us light-years further than we’ve ever been.  I know our problems aren’t over, but I know we are better now than ever.

I’ve got 3 beautiful healthy children... who have minds of their own as all children do.  I’ve been lucky enough to have healthy pregnancies and babies.  But I’ve cried with too many friends who have had to walk a much darker path, and prayed desperately to God for their healing.  They have taught me so much.

When I was taking one of my first classes on becoming a teacher, my very wise professor often proclaimed - “A reflective teacher is an effective teacher.”  Having been a journaler for years, I loved this saying and still apply it to every part of my life.  A reflective parent.. wife... friend... citizen... believer.  

The things that I share on my blog are truths I feel I have learned along the way.  Often they are based on scripture that I have studied or lessons that have been shared with me.  You shouldn’t take what I write as absolute Truth, but I do hope you reflect upon it for a minute and consider whether it can be useful to you.  We are all qualified to be part of the community of believers who offer up a new perspective, a helpful word, or a hand of comfort to one another.  It is my prayer that I can be that for someone today.