What To Do When The Voices Tell You To Quit

Last night I stayed up too late.

But I was wired.

After spending the day with my 4 year old and taking care of a list that didn’t include any of the fun things I wanted to do (welcome to grown-up world, Angie), it was hard to go to bed. 

A Christmas tree lit before me. A quiet house. A racing mind. It all added up to OPPORTUNITY.

So I took the opportunity to journal and work through a few things that were on my heart.  

Here are the results...

First of all, blogging has clearly taken a backseat the last couple months. There are a number of reasons for this, and at the top of them is an exceptionally long and arduous harvest season. Harvest was brutal. I can’t even start to tell you about it without all the exhaustion and frustration sweeping over me like a tidal wave, so let’s skip those details.

Another reason I haven’t been blogging as much is because my writing time has been devoted to speaking preparation. I’ve been privileged to speak at several events the last few months and so I’ve really focused my time on those.

But let’s be honest. If I was intentional about it, I could be blogging more. It’s not like I’ve run out of things to say. In fact, that’s the furthest thing from the truth. And maybe part of my hesitancy.

I’ve found myself second guessing myself about a lot of my topics lately.

“Oh, you’ve talked about that before.” 

“Whatever. No one needs you to say that.” 

“Just, stop. That is so useless. Why do you even have a blog?”

Pretty pathetic, I know. 

I am NOT digging for reassurance here. I know better.

But I think I AM wrestling with some insecurities because I have some big ideas about where I want the blog and my speaking career to go in 2015. I’ve thunk up some goals and a plan and I’m taking steps to make changes.

And it’s kinda scary.

Ok, it’s really intimidating.

What if I don’t follow through?
What if my content isn’t relevant?
What if this great idea gets wasted on my cluelessness and goes no where?

I can’t bear the thought of any of it.
I can’t bear it. 

Which is why I have to ignore the questions and doubts and just get on my horse and ride it.

It’s not like I’m the only one out there who is taking a risk.
It’s not like I’m the only one second guessing big ideas.

I don’t really believe that my content is irrelevant. Do I?

No.
No, I don’t believe that.

All the evidence points to making this happen. All the evidence says the time is now. All the day dreaming and the prayers and the late night talks and journal entries have brought me to now: when the work begins and the vision is transformed into real life. My life.

Can I really go about my day without trying this? 

Could I get a “real” job and abandon this journey? 

Could I ignore the pull on my heart to speak and write?
To yearn?

Zero chance.
Nope.

There is no doubt I have to move forward on this. It might not pay the bills, but it will reap the satisfying rewards of community and obedience.

Even if it doesn’t work. 

Even if it’s not ultra successful.
Even if my confidence wavers and my efforts aren’t pristine.

It’s waiting right there in front of me.

All I have to do, is GO.

“Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.”
Genesis 12:1,2

I know I’m no Abraham. But the point here is that God says “GO and I will take care of the rest.” He doesn’t say GO but only if you are ready. Or GO but only if you feel like it. He says GO.

GO and I will lead you and prepare a place
and show you and guide you
and speak for you and move you
and teach you.

All you have to do is GO.

This applies to being a parent or a spouse or going to work today. 

It applies to reaching out to a friend in need or a stranger in desperation. 

It applies to his commandment to love Him and love our neighbor.

Set the self-doubt aside.

And GO.

Looking forward to sharing my big changes with you soon! Stay tuned!

Why "Inspirational" Memes Make My Brain Hurt

Can we be frank here for a few? I’m really concerned about something that can be crazy-dangerous. Our brains are being infiltrated over and over again daily by some poisonous words, and I’m afraid we are going to end up extremely misinformed. 

Ahhh the power of words. “Word people” love them, but even the rest of the world can be sucked in by the lure of a well-constructed sentence. Especially when the catchphrase has a trace of truth in it, and is something we can relate to - it’s easy to buy into the rest. And the #1 place to find these singing sirens? Facebook.

Surprise! 

No, not really, right? There are lots of posts we all scroll past everyday, without “liking” all of them. Political views, scary videos, fake photos. Tell me you have discernment while you’re scrolling. Promise me you don’t believe all the viral emails you get. Please don't buy into every cool visual with a statistic in it. 

I hope not. It is very easy for random, nameless FB identities (PeopleForPeople? Who the heck knows what they stand for?) to tweak truth and throw up some stats they got from generic-technical-sounding-database, so they can attempt to make a point - or get some traffic. Extreme brings in traffic, so there is little motivation to stick with reality, let alone common sense. (And then there’s all the misguided ideas FB suggests we about friendship, i.e. lack of boundaries. I’ll have to tackle that another day.)

Anyway, clearly I’m on my soap box, but my issue is much bigger than dumb political commentary or photoshopping pictures of celebrities.  In number there are probably even more “inspirational” memes that grace my newsfeed everyday, and I’m amazed at the number of them that are just outright wrong.  They disturb me.   

Take this one for example.

I suspect that people like this one because we are all fans of taking responsibility for your stuff.  Man-up and deal with your issues instead of whining about them! So people like the idea that once you decide to do that, God is ready to help you tackle your problems. 

But this is SOOOO WRONG.  “If ____ then ____” statements about what God does usually are messed up. Are you telling me that until I try to change my circumstances, God is just standing around waiting for me? That He is an idle God who watches from the sidelines? There are probably some good metaphors about God being a coach, but this is not one of them. 

The only one who can change you is God. HE is at work within you. HE is the power and the strength that leads you to do the right thing, to muster up the courage to accept the circumstances you are in. HE is the one DOING.

In Genesis, God tells Abraham -

“Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you.”  

He doesn’t say, Once you figure out where you are supposed to go, THEN I will help you get there. He says GO, and I will lead you. Not to mention, God was the instigator of this conversation. It didn’t happen once Abraham decided to pay attention or asked God what he should do. This is our introduction to Abram in Genesis chapter 12.  He doesn’t even have the new big fancy name, yet!  

Here’s another one.

I already dedicated a blog post to this, because I was so struck by the message here.  Again, we are focusing on what WE are capable of, apart from God. But actually, the only good I can do is through Him.  It’s not about me and how great I am.  It’s about Him and how he uses me right alongside my faults and mistakes.  Don’t act like your behavior is ALWAYS so perfect.  It’s not. If you aren't convinced, read the blog post and let me know if you still disagree.

Here’s another.

Ok, so I can definitely see why this one gets a few “Amens.” Trying to align life with Scripture sounds like a good idea. But when I really try to apply this, I have no idea what she’s trying to say.  There is no gospel here. And not really any law either. 

What are your expectations? 
Are we talking about how people treat other people?
My to-do list?  
An expectation that I’m supposed to be happy?  Nowhere does it say that life is going to be easier as a believer, or that Jesus expects us to perform perfectly.  I can’t help but think of John 16:33:

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Look, I understand that it is always easy to twist and conform a statement, a verse, a mantra to whatever our baggage-laden brains want to hear.  Even the Bible has lots of misguided readers, no question.  But please arm yourself with discernment when scrolling through your newsfeed!

Discernment: the faculty of discerning; discrimination; acuteness of judgment and understanding. 

keen perception or judgment 

When I hit the Like button, that means more people are going to see it.  

That means more people are going to be thinking about this concept and possibly believing it and maybe setting themselves up for disappointment and confusion because they aren’t stopping to think about what’s true and worthy vs. what’s really just a reflection of us complaining about society.  

Arming yourself with discernment is worth the extra time. It protects you and it protects your friends. We need a Fact Checker for FB Feed! If you want this job, I'll give you lots of traffic. You'll be the most controversial thing out there!!

What's the craziest thing you've seen someone Like on FB?  

Do you have any tips for not ending up brainwashed? 

Am I the misguided one here?

Share in the comments!

Is It Too Late To Ask for Help?

“Oh, Lord, I need some help,” I prayed as I flopped down in my chair. Consistently unfocused, my brain was struggling to find joy in the midst of 2 major temper tantrums from my 3 year old. When I asked the girls to clean up the entryway, they both called out “Not me!” and ran upstairs. I was too tired to argue. The dishes were piled up and the table needed cleaned off, but my instinct was to flee (to a nap).  

photo credit: maireads via photopin cc

I should have started off my day with a prayer.  

But I didn’t.

I should have turned to Scripture before turning to my to-do list.

But I didn’t.  

Overwhelmed with exhaustion and the day quickly rolling out ahead of me, I jumped into gear before warming up.

As I sat down in the chair midday, a measure of guilt rang through the midst of my cluttered mind:  

Oh, sure, NOW you turn to Him.  Just when you need some help.

Luckily this wasn't my first tango with Satan, so my spirit and the Holy Spirit were ready with a comeback:  

As a matter of fact, Christ is The Help for the Helpless.  

And I qualify as that, especially in this moment,

(but always)

so YES!  

I will turn to His mercy in my need.

Like the groaning Israelites, pleading for a rescue.

Like David, whose songs reveal a man who had nothing to depend on to save His life, other than His God.

As Asa seeking the aid of His God, the God of Judah, as he faced a million men.  

Zerah the Ethiopian came out against them with an army of a million men and 300 chariots, and came as far as Mareshah. And Asa went out to meet him, and they drew up their lines of battle in the Valley of Zephathah at Mareshah. And Asa cried to the Lord his God, “O Lord, there is none like you to help, between the mighty and the weak. Help us, O Lord our God, for we rely on you, and in your name we have come against this multitude. O Lord, you are our God; let not man prevail against you.” So the Lord defeated the Ethiopians before Asa and before Judah, and the Ethiopians fled. Asa and the people who were with him pursued them as far as Gerar, and the Ethiopians fell until none remained alive, for they were broken before the Lord and his army.

(2 Chronicles 14:9-13)

Whether I start out the day on my knees or in a blur;

Whether I show up with an army or one man;

Whether I’m the anointed king, or an unclean peasant;

I am helpless without the Great Helper.  

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and “sinners” were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.  When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the “sinners” and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?”

And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”

(Mark 2:17)

With these assurances, we can pray for help. We can pray for focus. We can be confident that our God, the Great Helper, hears us - the helpless - at all hours. It is to this faithful God, we pray.

God Has Jealousy Issues

This morning God and I talked about our jealousy issues. 
How we both have them. 

"The Lord is a jealous and avenging God." Nahum 1:2

Obviously His jealousy is justified and most of the time mine isn't. 

But He reminded me of how amazing it feels when I make a connection with a sister or brother in Christ, and He made it clear that He loves those moments. 
He's included in those moments. 
And He yearns for them like I do. 

Which is why He gets jealous and annoyed when I go off looking for satisfaction in other things.

Well, that makes perfect sense, Father! - is what I said. I love that rush and that's why I love speaking. Making connections with women about God's Truth? Best thing ever. I think I'll keep pursuing that. 

I feel like He smiled then. 

Courtesy the refreshment and inspiration I'm swimming in at Write To Publish Conference in Wheaton, IL.  

So grateful to be here.  

He Gets It

Let’s be honest.  When we are happy and things are going good, we know God gets it.  

But when things are tough, when we feel abandoned and alone and desperate... tired, drained, or frustrated.. we can feel really disconnected from our Savior.  

photo credit: Pavel P. via photopin cc

Hebrews 12:3 jumped out at me the other day and drew me in.  

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. 

(ESV)

“Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men…” (NIV)

Had opposition from the world lately?  Yep.  Jesus gets it. 

He was doubted publicly over and over again.  He had lots of followers, yes; but then there was an elite public who loved to hate him.  They taunted him, challenged him, and plotted against him.  Feel like the world is against you?  Jesus knows how it feels. 

He prayed for people in need.  He listened to their problems and their heavy hearts weighed on him.  He carried their burdens. Jesus knows how heavy burdens are. He understands how sad you are for your friends and family and how their valley is bringing you down. Feel free to complain to Him about it.  He gets it. 

His friends said one thing and did another.  They didn’t listen.  They didn’t understand.  They tried, like most sinners, but they failed.  Like all sinners.  
Feel like you’ve been abandoned by those who loved you?  Forsaken by those you love?  

Jesus knows. 

Remember your Jesus who endured torture.  Who had to experience indescribable pain and suffering.  He was sent to be tried for crimes he didn’t commit and condemned for lies he didn’t tell.  

He was misunderstood, gossiped about, and experienced overwhelming frustration.  

Can you relate?

Jesus knows how you feel. 

He pleaded with God to make things different.  He prayed for answers.  He got down on his knees and cried. 

Jesus knows. 

Take comfort in knowing today, that Jesus gets it.  He is that familiar friend who has been there.  
He is the one who lovingly takes you in his arms and says, “I know how hard it is.  Please don’t give up…”  
And you can stand there and cry with him and not say anything. 

Because Jesus knows.

Free Printable for One-on-One Jesus Time!

Trying something new!

A daily devotional printable  - explained in today's post, More Than One Way to Do Jesus Time.

I hope it can inspire you!!

Here is what it looks like.

Not sure why the letter "i" isn't showing up in this picture.  It's fine in the pdf!  Promise! ;)

Just click on THIS LINK and print!

I'd love to hear if you use this, what you think - or changes you make to personalize it for YOU!  Come back and tell me!

More Than One Way to Do Jesus-Time

I’m not a big fan of New Year’s Resolutions.  It’s just one more way for me to set myself up to feel like a failure.  (I have a following-through problem.)  But it happened to be around the first of the year, that I was looking for a daily devotional that was basically Bible readings.  I found one that I like and I’ve been reading it and feeling good about how it’s going. So far I'm following through.  

Yesterday Mom said, “Don’t feel guilty about that.  You have enough things to feel guilty about.”
She wasn’t talking about New Year’s Resolutions, but she might as well have been.  Such good advice.  Push aside the guilt and just do what you need to do.  

Let’s take that attitude and approach a topic that inspires lots of guilt -
quiet time with your Maker.
Ugh. The phrase quiet time makes me want to curl into a little ball and give up as soon as I hear it.  I hope you have carved out “quiet time” for yourself, but in my world it has always been a challenge.  

First of all, rarely is anything around here quiet.  
Second, it brings up visions of a quiet woman who gets up at 5:30 in the morning, in her perfectly clean house, with her perfectly clean heart, and sits down with the Lord.  
I like that last part, but the rest of it is something that I just CANNOT relate to.  I am NOT a morning person.  My house is rarely perfect.  And my quiet time is rarely quiet.  

Over and over again, I have struggled with what my daily time with God is supposed to look like, and most of the time I feel like I’m botching it. 

However, over the past 5 years I’ve learned that there really is more than one way to do things.  Not only have I learned this, I’ve embraced it and I celebrate it.  This is a great truth for me because... 

1) ...changing things up is fun for me.   Growing up I was rearranging my room every 6 months.  Today the wallpaper on my phone is rarely the same for more than 30 days.  I like to do something different in my house when the seasons change.  I like a good routine, and I have my comfort foods, but a fresh view makes me happy. 

2) ...new ideas pull me in.  A new book comes out about marriage - I want to read it.  I’m always perusing the web for new blogs and authors.  The latest technology, a new approach to organizing, a social media trend - I’m curious.  I might not embrace it, but I’m checking it out.

3) …I’m an extrovert.  If you’ve had a conversation with an extrovert recently, you may have noticed that the conversation wants to jump around a lot.  This is how we are and I’m not going to apologize for it.  Well, maybe sometimes, because it really is frustrating for my husband (just to name one person).  But we like to jump from one thing to another.  Turns out that's the way my brain is wired.  It’s ok. 

So every 6 months when I want to a new approach to daily devotional time, I’m not surprised anymore.  I’m fine with it.  That book I got? - not going anywhere!  Will still be here when I need something new in 6 months.  The gratitude journal I started? - still very useful next year when I’m not as crabby as I am today.  Yes, I know, this is related to that thing I said at the beginning about how I’m not good at following through.  But seriously, pick your battles.  If this month I have a fresh approach to spending time with Jesus, it’s ok.  He’s fine with it.  It’s way better than giving up completely. 

So here’s what I’m doing these days.  And I like it.  

I’m reading the NIV Once A Day Bible.  It’s set up to read some Old Testament, some New Testament, and a selection from Psalms or Proverbs each day. 
[Confession: Sometimes it takes 2 days to get thru one day’s worth.  Guess what? That’s ok.] 

After I read (and sometimes it’s hours later depending on how interrupted I’ve been by all the people I love in my life), I do prayer.  Grant-it, I’m praying informally to God much more than this thru the day.  But the thing that was really missing in my last ritual, was formal prayer time.  I’ve decided FOR ME what works well, is written prayer.  Especially writing out the parts that I am too lax about - namely confession and adoration.  This formal prayer time is hard for me to get into the habit of (and the problem is laziness, no-question), but here’s what I’m working to do DAILY. 

In a notebook I’ve deemed the Prayer Journal,  

I’ve written out this little outline.

So first off, I want to be sure and recognize that Holy Scripture is the place where God DEFINITELY meets us (this is a great daily reminder).  Then from there, I make 4 stops.  

Here’s a little more explanation:

a) Thank you for showing me...
This is called Adoration.  Right away I want to identify something about God that has been revealed to us in scripture.  Something like ‘God is FAITHFUL when we aren’t,’ or ‘the Pharisees and I have way too much in common.’  A fact that came out of the Scripture I read that day. 

b) I praise you for...
Keeping the focus on HIM, b) is where I celebrate some answered prayers or surprising gifts.

Examples:

Thank you God, none of our children climbed into our bed in the middle of the night! 

or

I praise you that my friend had her last radiation today! Thank you God! You are good!!  

c) Please Lord forgive me... 
Confession time.  I try to be specific. Sometimes I’m like a deer in the headlights.  In this case, it’s good to think about the jobs God has called me to and then consider how I’m doing (jobs like Parent, Wife, Friend, etc.).  Another way to recognize what we need to confess about, is to meditate on the Ten Commandments for about 2 minutes; shouldn’t take much longer than that to stumble onto some sin.  

[Note to self: Luther says, “Don’t torture yourself.”] 

CONFESSION and recognizing forgiveness, i.e. God's MERCY, are both super important.    

d) Please, Lord, hear my cry...
Coming to God with all my burdens and petitions.  I like starting it out “Please Lord hear my cry,” because King David is a great example of how to come before God the Father and plead for help, and that’s the kind of thing he says.   

If you don’t want to write these things down, that’s probably fine.  Since writing helps me process things, that what I do.  On the other hand, I’ve been told that writing them down is neat because then you can go back and see what God is doing in your life and that’s useful.  Either way, the vital thing is that we meet God in prayer daily - somehow, somewhere.  

If you have to come up with a fresh approach to that every few months, that’s ok.  There is more than one way to do things.  

What’s your one-on-one time with Jesus like?

About Fear

Here is me walking along with my plans and my intentions and I want everything to be neat and tidy. 

I've got my lists and my calendars and it makes me feel better. 

Especially as I enter into a new school year. Or new circumstances. Or a new season...of life.

photo credit: dlemieux via photopin cc

Well, that's what I want to do. The reality is, when I'm really struggling with fear I can barely get to work on time, let alone plan out my day. I walk around my life seeing things that need to be done, but feeling bound and gagged. I start desperately looking around for something I can do to fix this - a plan, an answer key, a flow chart. A list, a system, a fix.

But nothing lands. 
I grab for them and they crumble in my hands. I'm still lost. I can't lean on my lists or my plans, for security. The rug has been pulled from beneath me. Now I'm even more afraid.  I'm still falling thru mid air with no safety net to catch me. 
I can't stomach the ride.

What can I do?

"You aren't helpless," he said to me. "You have the help of the helpless."

I don't think it's going to be a magical moment where all the sudden I’m not afraid anymore. 
It will be hard work to cling to God’s promises. 

It will be gradual.

It’s going to require moment-by-moment responses to his promises.  It’s going to mean feeling uncomfortable and having to settle into this new reality.  
My new normal: not being in control.

Clinging to God’s promises in the midst of fear is all I have left.  And it is serving me well.  There have been a few specific Bible verses that I desperately hold onto in fearful moments.  

I re-read them over and over.  

I repeat them in breathless moments when I’m frantic for peace.  

Sometimes I cry them out.  Sometimes I just stare at them and ask God to wrap them around my heart.  

I want to encourage you to cling to God's promises in the midst of your fear.  Here are some Bible verses serving me well. 

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perpelexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-9,16

Do you have a go to verse or prayer in the midst of fear?Have you felt the desperation of losing control of your circumstances?  Do tell!  Sharing could mean encouragement for someone else struggling with this today.  

Prayer: Whether You Like It Or Not

I could feel their prayers.  In my chest.  In my heart and my soul and my strength.  It filled me up.  

I was surprised. 

I shouldn’t have been.  I’ve been a believer in the power of prayer for a long time.  An advocate, a pray-er, one who seeks to seek Him.  

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography via photopin cc

But there is a difference between believing and feeling.  There is a difference in being on the sending end and being on the receiving end. 

I was receiving. 

We had been under a lot of stress.  People knew that it was a moment that could pull people apart, or bring people together.  So they were praying.  And we could tell.  We saw the power of the Holy Spirit work in people at that meeting.  We could feel the movement of the angels and the defeat of Fear.  It was powerful. 

So when I felt the ground slipping out from under me a few weeks later, I knew I had to ask.  

It didn’t matter that I was vulnerable.  It didn’t matter that I was hurting.  

I would be directly disobeying my Savior if I didn’t ask.  I had been moved too much then, to ignore it now. 

So I asked. 

And the friends I asked were more than willing.  They were ready with loving words, a hand if I wanted it, and a quiet prayer when I couldn’t look them in the eye.  

They were ready. 

Somedays we feel like we aren’t ready for that job.  

“That’s not really my gift, Lord.  I’m more of the speaking type.  I’m more of the take-a-meal type.  Prayer isn’t really my strength.”

But then our friends need us.  And we have no choice but to step up, because love draws us in.  Love moves our hearts to pray.  Love yearns for answers for the people we care for so deeply.  Love begs for solutions and healing.  And as the crisis passes, we find ourselves better.  Better off for having been on our knees for someone else.  Better at asking.  Better at listening.  Better off.

O Lord, I call upon you; hasten to me!

Give ear to my voice when I call to you!

Let my prayer be counted as incense before you,

and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice!  

Psalm 141:1-2

Today before we left, my friend said, matter of fact, “We’re going to pray now.”  It caught me off guard.  I knew we had covered some deep stuff, but... I just didn’t expect it.  So we did.  The prayer covered us with the love of friends who speak honestly to God about frustration and need.  Who pray desperately for answers for ourselves and those who are hurting.  She prayed over us with the loving words of a sister-in-Christ.  And when she prayed for God’s arms to wrap around us, we could feel the arms of each other holding us close.   

Has the act of praying for someone else, been a blessing to you?
How do we become more persistent pray-ers?